Postgame Spread
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Thursday, June 16, 2005

Heathcliff Lives; Chavez Sucks    

It was an evening of impressions. I just watched Chad "The Chief" Cordero do his best Heathcliff Slocumb impression, coinciding with a dead-on '90s Red Sox impression by the Angels. Down 1-0 in the 9th, the Angels loaded the bases with no outs on two singles and a walk. But Cordero got out of the inning with two strikeouts and a harmless pop-out that was too shallow to score the runner from 3rd. Cordero at least has an excuse... he got the save last night, so he's probably tuckered out. What excuse do the Angels' five best hitters, plus Bengie Molina, have? All Molina had to do was lift the ball over 250 feet out, and he couldn't. Of all the Molinas, I think Alfred has the best bat. (Then again, when we last saw Alfred Molina, he had four robotic utility arms and lifted a nuclear reactor off the ground. So maybe he really could outhit the Molina brothers.)

I also caught the end of Mets/A's, where Eric Chavez showed us just how much Troy O'Leary gametape he's been watching of late. Chavez came up in the 8th with the game tied, two out, runner on 3rd. The Mets brought in an anonymous rookie lefty to face him, and this rookie (with mediocre I-have-a-career-because-I'm-a-lefty numbers) threw him a two-strike slider that was about a foot off the plate, and low. Naturally, Chavez swung. Memo to Billy Beane: Miguel Tejada has four home runs in his last 10 games.

Finally, I spent most of the night doing my best Brodie Bruce impression, leading the 2009-10 Boston Bruins to a 21-0 victory over the dastardly Montreal Canadiens. Joey Bananas had four goals, for what it's worth. Jose Theodore sux!!!1!


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