Postgame Spread: The Empire Strikes Back

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

So Young Skywalker, having successfully taken down the Death Star in 2004, has decided to part ways with the rebel alliance.
Where's he going? How can he leave the Nation like this?
Anyone know the way to Degobah? I hear it's somewhere in Philly.
And how long before his replacement in Boston signs Konerko for four years, $36 million?

1 Comments:

Yeah, Pimpstein left Boston due to the constant politicization of his job, therefore the natural choice is to move to Philadelphia, where the fans are renowned for their level-headedness and contempt for sports politicization. That reminds me of when Roger Clemens said he was leaving the Sox so he could be closer to his family in Texas, and then signed with the Blue Jays.

Speaking of cocksuckers, ongratulations to Gordon Edes' curly-haired boyfriend, Dan Shaughnessy, for the Sunday Globe hatchet job that is being cited as a reason for Epstein's sudden departure. Thanks a bunch, you irredeemable, worthless, 100% dignity-free stain on the human race.

Theo the Pimp is OK with me. I'd have left too. He's just doing what he does... big pimpin. It's enough that he is now the first GM in Red Sox history to leave the job before being burnt at the stake... but threatening to do social work??? That's one ice-cold MF. I love it.

I'm not that worried about his departure, in and of itself, from a baseball perspective. His 2005 campaign was far from stellar, and 2004 was somewhat of a reclamation project after the A-Rod/Nomar fiasco. So we're not talking about the best GM in baseball here... ballsiest maybe, but not a guy who is irreplacable, like Brian Cashman or Billy Beane. Theo had TONS of help from big-name consultants like Bill James and Lee Thomas. He did the job, but he had one hell of an infrastructure too. That's what I will miss the most. Having the experienced voices advise the ballsiest MF in baseball really worked; it'd be nice if he'd quit earlier, so that Josh Byrnes '92 could take over for him and maintain the status quo. Ah well.

The real problem, as I see it, is that the new guy can only fail. There is no way he can follow the Theo Epstein act, regardless of Pimpstein's actual value. He has three main objectives, from my standpoint:

* Maintain the growth of the farm system. The outgoing front office rebuilt the worst farm system in baseball into one of the deepest. Hats off to Epstein for performing two miracles in three years. Hopefully the scouting department won't be gutted like the front office.

* Convince Scott Boras not to perform a colonoscopy on you during the Johnny Damon negotiations. Boras is guaranteed to force the new guy to choose between a) giving Damon $17 million and b) being branded as a traitor in his first month on the job.

* Stand up to everyone on the planet and refuse to trade Manny. He will likely have a mandate from ownership to do so, but it would be one of the most media-influenced, most politicized, and dumbest trades of the last 10 years. You know, because why would you want to keep the most productive tandem in baseball together? Everything has to be hunky-dorey with the media any Red Sox fans to like you? This and the Damon thing are enough for any GM worth his salt to turn down the job. You might as well commit seppuku at your introductory press conference.

A month ago I handed the AL East to the Sox. I think talent-wise they are still tops in the division on paper. But the Yankees, Orioles and Blue Jays will all be right there, and the removal of Lou Piniella from Tampa can only hurt the Sox. The margin for error is way smaller. The offseason goed from being extremely simple (don't trade Manny, do trade Fatty, sign Johnny) becomes an eeeenormous concern for any Sox fan. Poring over hot-stove stuff like tea leaves is nothing new for Boston... but being justified in doing so is entirely foreign.

By Jeff, at 11:37 AM