Bernie's Fork, Beautifully Illustrating Sickboy's Theory

So the past two days, Bernie Williams has gotten the start in CF for the Yankees, with Damon at DH, because supposedly Damon is banged up a bit. This had me wondering about Bernie's non-sentimental value at this point, given that he's maybe the worst center fielder in the game defensively, and is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past his prime offensively.
Which, unfortunately, made me look up his numbers so far. Bear in mind, he's played nearly full-time, and usually as a DH.

The top line is Bernie so far this year, the lower lines are our two mystery guests.

AVG:
Bernie: .224
Mystery Man 1: .249
Mystery Man 2: .276

OBP:
Bernie: .264
Mystery Man 1: .276
Mystery Man 2: .333

SLG:
Bernie: .245
Mystery Man 1: .280
Mystery Man 2: .327

OPS:
Bernie: .509
Mystery Man 1: .556
Mystery Man 2: .631

Now, clearly none of these players are going to be challenging A-Rod for the MVP, nor Ortiz for the Edgar Martinez award, but still, even a 10 year old could do this math. Assuming that defensive ability is a non-factor, given that 1- Bernie/replacement would be mostly playing DH, and 2- When Bernie plays CF, he's the worst CF in the history of the game.
So, clearly, player #3 should get the DH spot, and Bernie should get a graceful invite to join the Yes Network.

Who are our mystery guests? Since neither of them has seen meaningful PT in 2006, I cheated slightly and used their 2005 stat lines.

Mystery Guest 1:






YPOS!








Mystery Guest 2:

Bubba Crosby, NYY Bench Warmer.