Sparky McTorso?!?

Intrepid reader Chas "Hot Budnikkels" Budnick alerted me to the Red Sox notebook in today's Herald.  Apparently the Sox' de facto bullpen lefty, Lenny DiNardo, lets his brother name each of his gloves.  Past names include Lance Uppercut, Sparky McTorso, and Lance Manley.  His current glove is called R. Chimps, which is stitched onto its thumb.

Now, there are two things to be learned from this story:

1) Lenny DiNardo is awesome.
2) Mike DiNardo's heart is in the right place, but he can do better than Sparky McTorso.

Don't misconstrue this as some kind of attack against Mike DiNardo.  I applaud even the smallest sign of creativity from professional athletes while doing their jobs, and this far exceeds that.  Bravo, gentlemen.  But I just want what's best for Lenny, and what's best for Lenny is an even more bizarre name for his glove.

Therefore, I humbly submit the Top 10 Names Mike DiNardo Should Have Given His Brother's Glove:

10) Melvin P. Nuggets
9) Horace O'Catchypants
8) Johnson Strudelstuffs
7) Philip Weinglass
6) Snifters McGee
5) Red Leather Nards
4) Scalene McWhoops
3) Bluntson LaChocolate
2) Cantonio Scrodriguez
1) "The Rhombus"

Lenny... you're welcome.