Postgame Spread
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Monday, September 12, 2005

Impromptu Live Blog: NBA Players' Hurricane Relief Game    

While hiding from Colts/Ravens, I just stumbled onto the NBA Players' Hurricane Relief Game airing on TNT tonight at 11. I didn't hear any publicity for it, certainly not by objectivity-whipping-boys ESPN, but I've decided to watch it instead of the Peyton Manning regular season (read: pre-choke) yardage bonanza.

11:07: It's a commercial-free hour of national treasures Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith! I'm thinking their commentary will be more interesting than the game.

11:11: Sure enough, this game is making the All-Star Game look like the Suns/Celtics triple-OT playoff game. But just as well that nobody try too hard. I predict that by the second quarter, the only effort anyone exerts will be on alley-oop attempts.

11:15: After Kenny noted that Cuttino Mobley is guaranteeing a Clipper playoff series this season, Charles quipped, "maybe if they played in the NBDL they'd make the playoffs."

11:18: Kobe Image Rehabilitation Alert! Kobe hangin' out with the kids, and they love him. In a month, we'll be seeing that McDonald's commercial where he picks up with those kids' playoff game. (A normal person might lay off with the cynicism, given the circumstances, but I have a soft spot in my heart for rapists. If he rebuilds the entire state of Louisiana with his bare hands, I'd probably give him a break... probably.

11:19: To complete my earlier thought, Sir Charles quipped, "You could get hurt playing defense, that was my theory."

11:21: After Tyronn Lue sinks another shot, Charles reiterates his claim that the Hawks are going to surprise a lot of people. This after claiming the AI-led 76ers as a "sleeper." He will later suggest that the Utah Jazz will be "interesting," but won't specify whether that's good or bad because he hasn't seen them play.

11:22: Charles: "Look at Tracy McGrady's legs. I saw a chicken the other day with those legs."

11:27: Kenny Smith is wearing my suit. He'd better have it back by the weekend.

11:30: As predicted, the two teams are a combined 0-237 on alley-oops so far.

11:31: Charles just claimed that Kwame Brown is going to experience a career renaissance in Los Angeles.

11:34: At the half, the score is... um...

11:41: I just noticed that Hurricane Artest is in the building. Good to see him not being blackballed by the league.

11:44: Charles is discussing his charitable contributions in specific, giving $250K to an Alabama charity, and buying five Atlanta-area houses to house evacuees. But I wonder whether he's doing more harm than good by harping on his need to know where is money is going. I certainly sympathize, as I'm worried about how my Red Cross check is going to be spent, but it's a funny way to encourage people to spend their money. Not everyone is rich enough to make their donations in the manner that Sir Charles has... most folks can only give to the charities they know about. Someone should be saying that contribution in any way is the most important thing right now.

11:49: Good to see the players actually embracing the fans. It'd be nice to see that kind of attitude bleed over into the regular season, but I'm not holding my breath.

11:50: This game is starting to look like an Antoine Walker shootaround... brick after brick from three-point land.

11:51: The East is down 17 points with six minutes left. Can they win this game for their conference, and shove it up the West's bony asses???

11:52: Wow, this is like a friggin reunion. First the Harlem Globetrotters return to the national scene with a third-quarter extravaganza, and now Robert Pack resurfaces! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a Sherman Douglas signing. But until then, here's hoping Robert finds his missing aunt.

The problems so many people have had locating missing family members is one of the many things that makes you really appreciate modern technology. It also underscores how dangerous it is to have a national culture that's so reliant on non-organic technology. It's not so implausible to see some nationwide disaster happening that spreads this kind of bedlam across the entire country... and no, I'm not talking about the imaginary WMD threats that President Corky keeps obsessing over; he might as well be telling us that aliens are going to attack us. I'm talking about a more plausible disaster, like a gas shortage. Can you imagine what would happen to America if oil and gas just disappeared? Or if the entire nation lost electricity for a week? I sure can now. So I say that if you don't give to the Red Cross, at least give something to our alternative energy lobbies. Enough with the bleeding-heart soapbox.

11:53: Damon Jones is talking shit to T-Mac after T-Mac clanged an alley-oop dunk. You have got to be kidding me. T-Mac should have just laughed in his face. Damon Jones is like the little kid who hangs out with all the big kids, and the big kids let him hang out with them only because it's funny to watch him think he's a big kid. I'm glad Charles and Kenny made merciless fun of how he's gonna suck now that he won't have wide-open threes to knock down this season, or how he can only play well next to guys like Shaq and LeBron.

(That rant was made in support of the evacuees from New Orleans. If you liked that rant, please send whatever you can to the American Red Cross at 1-800-HELP-NOW.)

11:54: Charles is now claiming that the Utah Jazz will be interesting this season... but he can't say how, because he hasn't seen them play. Ummm...

11:55: Ho, daaaaaamn! As soon as I started complaining, the threes started dropping. T-Mac nearly nailed one from 40 feet.

11:56: Am I bad for wanting a replay? Where's the replay???

And with a Josh Smith dunk, the game ends. Nice way to end the night. I'll feel good sending out my check tomorrow morning.

1 Comments:

  • Thanks for the plug for renewable energy around 11:52.

    - your local environmentalist

    By Blogger Kate S., at 8:07 AM  

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