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Monday, January 29, 2007

HOF Class of 2016: David Eckstein!    

An old-ass post on Fire Joe Morgan (which I've been catching up on today) contains Ken Tremendous's Children of Men-like horror vision of the future, in which dumb crusty half-witted fuck-headed sports columnists argue in favor of David Eckstein's Hall-of-Fame credentials.  According to FJM, these not-as-imaginary-as-we'd-like authors are likely to title their columns like so:

  • "Little Man with the Big Heart Has a Tiny Chance of a Huge Honor"

  • "Big, Small, Big, Small, Small, Big, Small: Those Are the Sizes of David Eckstein's Heart, David Eckstein Himself, David Eckstein's Hustle, David Eckstein's Chances to Get Elected to Cooperstown, David Eckstein's Skin Pigment Count, David Eckstein's 'Talent,' and the number of Reasons David Eckstein Should Not Be Elected to the Hall of Fame Today, Respectively"

  • "Smig: That is Small Plus Big, Which is What Eckstein Is"

Shiver me timbers!  What's really terrifying is that some self-fellating ignorant piece of shit will do this.  "Two rings with two teams?  But he's so tiny!"  The thought makes my sack shrivel.  Much as I question the stats-are-everything, context-matters-not point of view, and much as I advocate a world-view in which stats and observations are used in concert and in moderation, I cannot help but think that a world with nothing but sabermetrics would have kept Eckstein exactly where he belongs... the International League.

God, I can't believe that little piece of shit won the World Series MVP.  What a travesty.  I'd wish a dozen league MVP's upon Derek Jeter before approving of Eckstein getting his goddamn paycheck, let alone an MVP trophy.  As I said whilst rooting against the Mets in the 2000 World Series, at least when the Yankees win there's a consistency to the injustice.  Anything can be blamed on the fact that it's the Yankees.  When you let non-Yankees start winning things that they don't even remotely earn, you risk setting a dangerous precedent.

Jesus... three weeks until pitchers and catchers, and I'm already pissed about both the Yankees and the Cardinals, and everyone who makes a living by writing about baseball.  At this rate, I'll be in full-blown 64-oz. Haterade Big Gulp mode by the time Daisuke Matsuzaka shows up for camp and asks his translator how to say "my rotator cuff hurts" in English.



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