Postgame Spread
You guys hangin' out? I'll hang out.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Ron Burgundy Award Winner: Me    

A few minutes ago, Ichiro received his All-Star Game MVP award, along with a brand new piece of American shit car that he'll never, ever, stoop so low as to drive.  Then interviewer Jeanne Zelasko turned towards Ichiro to ask him (and his interpreter) a few questions.  Once I saw that, I reached to my remote and shut my TV off for the night.

To recap, I turned off the television in order to avoid the guy who said the following things:

"If there is a problem, we need to notice what creates the problem. The problem usually isn't just on the cover. You need to look much deeper. For example, if we're talking about a tree and the tree has a problem, you need to look at the root. But you cannot see the root. The mistake is to keep watering the fruit. That's not going to solve anything."

"To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying."

"The ball became the same color as the sky.  So, I wasn't able to see it ... I was sending mental signals for the ball not to come my way, because during that time of day it's impossible for me to see the ball so I lacked mental signals. I lacked in that area.  Usually, I don't send mental signals.  So, because this is the first time, I thought, please don't come my way."

Like the Texans, and Ron Burgundy, I immediately regretted this decision.

OK, so I didn't miss anything important.  He didn't compare his inside-the-parker to a plant, discuss the use of telekinesis during the ball's flight, or punch himself in the face.  All it was was a chance to dust off my Japanese (Konban wa!  Soo desu nee!) and watch him humor some dumb questions from Zelasko.

But still, there are two things to remember: a) Ichiro, by virtue of the language barrier, is unlikely to ever give the same old press conference, thus making my knee-jerk "quick, shut off the TV, it's an interview" reaction entirely wrong, and b) I got to beat Jesse to an Ichiro post.  Now he'll have to punch himself in the face!  LOL!  Although, as a wise man once said, that's not going to solve anything.


  • The only good thing about that Ichiro interview was the look on his face when he understood the question perfectly and then decided to wait until his translator translated for him anyway. The shock on his face at being called a free agent was particularly enjoyable.

    But your list is short a couple of good ones:

    "When you take steroids, it's not as if wings grow out of your back, and you start flying all over the place and stealing home runs (from hitters). The word 'cheating' doesn't apply for me regarding steroids."

    And the all-time greatest:

    "Tiger is a great golfer, but ... when you say athlete, I think of Carl Lewis. When you talk about (golfers or race-car drivers), I don't want to see them run. It's the same if you were to meet a beautiful girl and go bowling. If she's an ugly bowler, you are going to be disappointed."

    By Blogger Jesse, at 1:49 PM  

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