Postgame Spread
You guys hangin' out? I'll hang out.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Boston Power Rankings    

Easier than ever...

1. Red Sox
First place in August.  Established as the team to beat in the AL East.  Signs of slowing, but built for playoffs.  Ingenious trade deadline maneuvering, landing former Cy winner w/o sacrificing a single top-notch prospect.  Popular as ever.  Could hardly have been done better.

2. Patriots
Overwhelming Super Bowl favorites before a single snap has been... snapped.  Dominant, flexible defense, despite annual issues at cornerback position.  Offense likely to improve dramatically.  Popular as ever.

3. Celtics
Ray Allen trade awakened the haters; Kevin Garnett trade was what the five fingers said to the haters's face.  Dinner is served, gentlemen.  (Beep-beep! Your bag of dicks is ready... at Dick World!)  Contenders in East for first time since 2002; legitimate contenders for first time since Bird Era.

4. Revolution
First place in East.  Strong in every facet of the game.  Surviving loss of Clint Dempsey.  Model franchise.  Almost nobody cares.

5. BC basketball/football
The first unit on the list with no serious intention to contend.  Yet they're always above sea level in each sport.  Go figure.  Absolutely nobody cares.

6. Cannons
Yeah, Major League Lacrosse.  Sit tight, I'm making a point.

7. Suffolk Downs
Horsies!  Yay! 

8. Park League Baseball
Go Palmer!!!  (wait for it...)

9. Saltonstall Kennelz (Dover, MA)
That's right, bitches... Boston's old money is all up in that ass with some dogfights!  You Chafee-ass Choates and Choate-ass Chafees best wash u asses.  Wanna know what happens to the losers at Raynham Park?  Bill Weld's pit bulls eat them.

(Sigh... out of ideas.  Oh well, fine.)

10. Bruins
All the other big-time teams in Boston have a plan for contention.  Even Doc Rivers' team has a goddamn plan.  Not the Bruins.  The only consistent vision I see is short-term.  They want to sell the farm just to make the playoffs... as if reattaining mediocrity is the answer to dwindling ticket sales and increasingly permanent fan apathy.  I have no particular objection to any of Peter Chiarelli's moves in isolation, given that he clearly knows more than I do.  The trades are all pretty much defensible.  But he's swimming against the tide.  He's neither building a Buffalo/Pittsburgh/Anaheim-style stable of young, cheap talent, nor drawing in a respectable nucleus of veteran stars via free agency.  Those are the only available options for saving the franchise (it's time to start thinking in those terms), but Chiarelli's done nothing on either of those fronts since the Chara/Savard signings.

On top of which nobody gives a rat's ass about hockey anymore.  Boston's a hockey town.  This should NEVER have happened.  And yet here we are.  Thank you, Bruins.

At this point, the only thing that can save their season is if Phil Kessel takes a quantum leap towards superstardom.  Apart from that... why bother?


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