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Monday, April 14, 2008

Massholes On Parade: Construction Worker Edition    



Jesus Christ, please just make it stop.

First of all, why did this Mass-tard think IMMEDIATELY was the best time to announce his sad attempt at a curse? If he'd just kept his mouth shut for a few months, it'd be too late anyone to dig it up. Presumably this is why he's working construction and not pulling jewel heists or working on his Ph.D. in nuclear physics.

Second, why would any Red Sox fan in his right mind want to SPREAD the notion of a curse? We just spent twenty fucking years trying to get everyone to shut up about it, and now this clown is resurrecting it. Was that not the whole point of winning??? It's such a childish, unnecessary idea, entirely opposite to the notion of what the rivalry should be: two phenomenal organizations duking it out on an effectively even playing field.

Third, this level of obsession is no longer cute. It's just stupid. It's precisely the sort of idiotic homer crap that does more to embarrass than to celebrate. We longed, collectively, for 86 years to be just another group of fans. A perfectly rational and noble goal. Now we're trying to be known as More Obsessed Than You. It's as if we all watched Jimmy Fallon's stink-eye performance in Fever Pitch and collectively thought, "yeah, I want to be just like that guy!" NO!!! FAIL!!!!!

It's one thing to exchange a few playful jabs with a Yankee fan; it's a whole other ball of potatoes to go and sabotage their stadium. It's within our power to take the high road. Not the smug, self-absorbed, holier-than-thou high road, which we've apparently chosen, but the magnanimous high road. We can relieve ourselves of the petty instincts we grew up adhering to. We can be free of this nonsense and just watch some great baseball.

Or we can try to bury Manny's jockstraps in the new Monument Park and look like even bigger douches than we do already. Either/or.

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3 Comments:

  • I gotta say, the fact that they buried Papi's jersey, and now he's in the worst slump of his career is pretty delicious.

    By Blogger Alex Lehr, at 1:26 AM  

  • Who could keep their mouth shut after doing that? Not me. So, I got to have a little sympathy for the guy. The use of the word curse is unfortunate, but I think you have to live in NY to see how genius this thing was. This has been front page news on the Daily News and the Post for the last three days. Front page! It's hilarious.

    He loses the most points with me for burying in it under the visiting dugout, which doesn't make very much sense to me even from a superstitious standpoint. If the whole point of the "curse" was to make visiting Yankees Stadium more like "home" for the Red Sox, why not couch it in terms more like that?

    By Blogger Jesse, at 11:38 AM  

  • * The slump predates the burial. Not unlike how the losing predated the Babe Ruth sale. Rendering all curses moot.

    * I still maintain that a real "genius" would have waited until it was too late to fix. I even have the King on my side.

    He must not have had much choice in where to bury it. If the foreman says to work on the visitors' dugout, that's what you do.

    If anything, I actually like it now that it plays as more of a positivist act than a straight-up curse. Not enough for me to stop thinking him a dipshit, though.

    By Blogger Jeff, at 1:13 PM  

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