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Thursday, June 05, 2008

Massholes On Parade: Somerville Sonics Edition    

So much Massholery has gone unattended of late, I thought I should bring some up.

No, not this kind. The fun kind.

Ronnie Craven, a guy from Somerville, told a chick that he was Jeff Turner, the Sonics' director of player development, in order to get laid on Craig's List. This, along with Captain Cash-Fan, makes two classic Craig's List dating revelations in the last month.

The great thing is that Craven spoke out in his own defense. And as we saw with the cash-fan guy, that always goes well. Though Craven kept his composure, he dropped a truly phenomenal quote to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

"I am going to be honest with you. I don't work for them," the man who posed as Turner said from his home in Somerville, a Boston suburb, when reached by the Seattle P-I on Monday. "(The situation was) all brought on by an online dating thing. Craigslist. I lied to her. Does that mean I can go out there and represent the Sonics? No. Does that mean that I did it to get some (sex) pussy? Absolutely." [Likely original wording restored. - Ed.]

Oh, he's a sneaky one, that Ronnie Craven. I wonder if he's related to Craven Morehead.

He also pretended to be, of all people, the immortal Todd Lichti. See, that's how you perpetrate a hoax. Impersonate people so obscure that nobody would neither doubt your identity nor have any realistic means of confirming it. He also appears to have determined the line between hoaxes and fraud by never actually claiming to represent the Sonics when lying to basketball players and coaches. Smart fellow.

Anyway, today I salute you, Ronnie Craven... truly a Masshole on Parade.

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