Postgame Spread
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Thursday, September 11, 2008

On Dan Iassogna's Heartbreaking Mental Handicap    

We haven't given King Kaufman a good blow lately, so let's:

ESPN's announcing crew immediately decided that the umpire had made the correct call. They were able to determine this by leveraging their complete lack of understanding about the rule.

Oh, yes.  I don't know that I agree with Kaufman, but how can anyone not agree with Rick Sutcliffe having no idea what he's talking about?  God.  Enough of the empty sound bites.

Speaking of the game, last night was one of the worst-umpired games I've seen in a long, long time.  That was vintage shit, 1999 ALCS shit, Duke vs. Maryland in the Final Four shit.  I don't want to hear any crap about the Red Sox benefitting from calls or being favored by the powers that be after last night.  That was the most crucial game of the year and they got fucked royally and totally.

Never mind the grounder that Jacoby Ellsbury beat out, but was called out on, in the 9th inning... a bang-bang play that should have scored the winning run.  I'll forgive that.  And never mind the fan interference call.  That could have gone the Sox' way, but it was an understandable call.

The real problem is Dan Iassogna's strike zone.  I haven't been this pissed about an ump since the pre-Series days.  That clown made two or three of the worst strikes calls I've ever seen.  I haven't seen such an obviously, overtly laughable strike zone since Durwood Merrill was in rotation.  I legitimately screamed out laughing at a strike he called on Jed Lowrie in the 6th or 7th.  The pitch was a good 5-6 inches outside AND high.  #1 on my all-time list, with a bullet.

These were not borderline judgment calls.  This was, like, expressing disdain for the entire system of balls and strikes.  The entire foundation of that baseball game was rendered illegitimate by that prick.

Most telling to me, as a Masshole, was that Sox play-by-play announcer Don Orsillo, who always steers clear of umpire criticism, was laughing when obvious outside pitches were not called for strikes.  Orsillo and Remy are generally very diplomatic when it comes to calls and umpired.  Openly mocking the umpire is way out of character, particularly for Orsillo.

I have to imagine the Rays were hurt by his mental defect as well.  But when you watch Andy Sonnanstine strike out the side with three laughably bullshit third strikes in a row, it's hard to believe they were damaged to the same extent.

Iassogna gets an F-, no points, and a God U Suck for that strike zone.  Umpires NEVER screw up this horrendously nowadays, not since the union was busted up a few years back, and not since Questec was installed.  Does he not know Sandy Alderson was watching, and now has enough evidence to can his ass for incompetence?

I hope Alderson did watch that game, and I hope he sends a report to Iassogna (in braille).  I honestly believe, in this era, that he should be fired for that one performance.  It was that bad.

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