Postgame Spread
You guys hangin' out? I'll hang out.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Extra Mile    

A couple quick hits on athletes who have recently given it up for the team:

Patrick (God You Suck) Ramsay is out as starter for the Washington Foreskins, to be replaced by a statue of former Jacksonville Jaguars QB Mark Brunell. Ramsay is pairing a toe injury with the bruised pride and hyperextended sense of shame he suffered in Sunday's opener vs. the NY Jints.

Weak Sauce.

Hey Gibbsy- if you wanna bench the guy (and lord knows you should), do so, don't hide behind a booboo toe. And if it really is a toe injury, I have one thing to say to you, Mr. Ramsay, besides the above parenthetical moniker, and that is that you should take a lesson from Aussie Rules Footballer Brent Blackwell. Dude's going to hack off an oft-injured finger to up his game. We should extend this strategy to other ornery appendages, such as Shaq's feet, Courtney Love's boobies, and Jake Plummer's head.

In other news, give up the props to the Frosburg State University Women's Field Hockey team, who spent last December busily putting Bluto Blutarsky to shame. In the immortal words of Paris Hilton, that's hot. Here I've spent my life dreaming of sorority girls having pillow fights and soaping each other's hooha bits, and the whole time I could have been fantasizing about field hockey players squatting in vomit. Wonderful. Thank you, Frosburg Alkies!

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