Postgame Spread
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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Our first Total Blockbuster Trade    

Major story just out.

The skinny:
TheWhite Sox receive a guy who was pretty clearly on steroids in 2005, in exchange for sending the Cubs a guy who's pretty clearly on crank right now (note picture).

Between teams swapping junkie relievers, and the clear return of the drunken sailor era of GM spending (EatonEatonEatonEaton), I couldn't be more excited for the train wreck that this offseason is sure to be.

Let's quickly catalogue some possible upcoming moves/signings, ranked by a complicated algorithm based upon quality of the player(s) involved and the stupidity of the GMs involved.

#1 with a bullet: Phillies sign Alfonso Soriano to a 7 year, $105,000,000 contract, to replace the way way WAY WAY WAY better player they ran out of town a couple months ago.

A close #2: Yankees sign Meche to a 4 year, $33,000,000 contract.

#3: Red Sox lowball Matsuzaka enormously, sending him back to Japan as a ploy to keep him out of New York - this scenario has been muttered about by a lot of total morons lately - it would KILL them for the future in Asia. It'd be the equivalent of the Yankees agreeing to meet El Duce's raft, then dragging that shit to Gitmo.

#4: TBD by whoever overpays for Zito. I love Zito, but sorry, he's just a homeless man's Tom Glavine.

#5: The Baltimore Orioles sign Vicente Padilla to a 5 year, $56,000,000 contract. As a stipulation of the deal, the Orioles also deal three draft picks to the Phillies for Ugueth Urbina. Once in Baltimore, the pair team up with Ray Lewis to spark a murder wave the likes of which even The Wire itself has not seen. Padilla's the getaway driver, of course.

SMARTEST MOVE OF THE OFFSEASON:
This award will go to whatever inspired GM signs Sal Fasano.

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