Postgame Spread
You guys hangin' out? I'll hang out.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Where's The Love?    

Hey, no posts on the Mariners' sweep of the Red Sox! Nothing about how the USS Mariner guys finally get to stick it to the Sox fans who swamp their message boards whenever someone comes up with a goofy trade? Nothing at all??? What's the matter, did someone die?

No, besides them. Although, if the team died, David Wells would get more of the spread.

Hey waiter, there's a fly in my Wily Mo Empanada! And I'm NOT paying extra for it!

So it's now officially Jim Mora time. They're 5 games behind Chicago and 5.5 behind Minnesota. If they were gonna recover from Massacre II, they wouldn't have lost three straight to the last-place M's. The team has ZERO pitching beyond Schilling and Papelbon, and no help in sight. There's no good reason to expect them to turn it around.

Looking back, the bullpen's success was predicated on a series of things happening.

1) Foulke healthy
2) Delcarmen, Hansen, DiNardo up to the task
3) Tavarez/Seanez are serviceable, non-toxic substances
4) Timlin continues to defy age
5) Paps continues to be lights-out

And so forth. ONE of those things happened. Mere probability dictates they would have gotten lucky with one of those other four. Nope; turns out that Red Auerbach's dick has more zip on its fastball than almost every Sox reliever. The rest of the story is well-known.

One factor that has been mentioned too rarely is the absence of Tim Wakefield. Jason Varitek's injury kinda touched off this whole mess, but Wakefield's absence has been truly painful. Say what you will about his ability to win games, but he'll pitch the whole thing and give the bullpen a rest. With a shitty pen, and a rotation that doesn't exactly eat innings, that's huge.

Anyway, my expectations are more reasonable now. For September, I'd just like to see a ray of hope for 2007. Have the kids (Hansen, Delcarmen, Lester et al) finish up strong. Have Big Papi remind everyone why he's the MVP, even if he can't do the impossible. Let Beckett get his groove back and start throwing goddamn strikes again. Give me something. This season wasn't as bad as it's looking right now. I'll be fine if I just get some good news.*

(* - That wouldn't make me OK about them gagging up five straight games at home to the Yankees. Nothing would. That whole weekend was to gutless choke-artistry what bukkake is to oral sex. I cannot ever forgive that.**)

(** - I meant that I can't ever forgive the Sox for pulling a Brian Bellows like that. Bukkake is OK if it's consensual and respectful. Right?)


  • I'm sorry for my failure to gloat. You may not know, I spent the last two days leaving Bogotá, at the beach in Baranquilla, and flying overnight to get back here, so I'm only just now catching up on what happened.

    I'll get to this last weekend in sports soon enough.

    By Blogger Jesse, at 5:45 PM  

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