Postgame Spread
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Shaq needs to feed his family...    

and by family, I mean his tubby ass.

In case you haven't heard, Big Aristotle, Diesel, and ex Fu Shnickens collaborator Shaquille O'Neal opted out of his fucking enormous (over 30 million) one year contract for a fucking enormous five year, 100 million dollar one.

whatWhatWHAT???

Don't get me wrong. Shaq is one of the best 3-5 players of all time. He's the most unstoppable force in the NBA, and this past year emerged as its most personable marketing resource, all apologies to his date-raping prick of an ex-teammate.

He's also 33 years old. His free throw shooting, always awful, has gotten WORSE the past two seasons. Even worse, he's set for life now, and I can't imagine him staying match fit. If Damon Jones knows what's good for him, he'll stay away from the Big Appetite, or else it'll be like Cap'n Murphy and Quinn eating themselves to death in Sealab 2021.

They're going to regret this one, and I can only hope it keeps them from being able to re-sign Flash in 2008, so he'll be free to come to New York and defile the corpse of Stephon Marbury, dragging it around MSG, Achilles-style.

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