Postgame Spread
You guys hangin' out? I'll hang out.

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Nightmare Is Over    

No, I'm not referring to the NBA Playoffs.  I'm talking about ESPN's Mock Draftamaphone, since the end of the season implies the beginning of the draft.  Since it went online, that rat bastard of a lottery generator has caused me nothing but pain.

I'm well aware that the Celtics only have a 39% chance of getting Greg Oden or Kevin Durant, as demonstrated here, but being reminded of reality on 60% of my lottery scenarios (especially the ones in which they draft #5... my absolute favorite, and a 12.3% likelihood)

It gets worse.  For a long time after its premiere, the simulator's preferred #3 overall pick was Joakim Noah.  As if it weren't horrifying enough to see the Celtics lose out every time through the lottery, I was forced to come to terms with the sentence, "with the thiird pick, the Boston Celtics select Joakim Noah."  Each time I saw Noah's name set against green, a little piece of me died inside.

Since I'm not that much of a glutton for punishment, I left it alone for a few weeks and stopped paying attention.  But a few things have happened since that renewed my interest in the lottery:

1) The Suns had an NBA title ripped from their hands.  Thanks, beautiful.

2) Due to the now-confirmed existence of Jesus, the Celtics' new #3 selection is UNC forward Brandan Wright, and not Joakim Noah.  Hooray!!!  Wright is probably the third-best college player available, and fills a position of need.  Even better, the Celtics are even taking Wright at #5.  Thank goodness.  So let's all give a heart Postgame Spread shout-out to the big J-man!

3) As I was reminded just now... the Celtics could actually land at #1.  Wow!  Could that actually happen?  Would Der Fuhrer even allow that?  I've been sitting here praying they get #2, when this whole time I could have been aiming higher.  In fact, according to the odds in that link above, I should be aiming higher, because the C's are more likely to land #1 than #2.  If those numbers are legit, my half-assed phony-baloney prayers have been misguided.

Speaking of misguided, here's an interesting thought regarding the state of the Celtics.  The confederacy of dunces the Celtics employ as executives has inspired so little confidence in me that I question their ability to win a random drawing.  In other words, if they come away with a pick in the 3-5 range, I will subconsciously chalk that loss up to them... as if they somehow affected the process as negatively as they affect every other process.  I actually believe that their general incompetence will somehow affect ping-pong balls in another room!  Astounding what the human mind can do, isn't it?

Anyway, I still have my fingers crossed.  No matter what, things will be a lot more interesting for the Celtics 48 hours from now.


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