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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The "Tell Me How My Ass Tastes" Remix    

Every now and again, a song comes along that grabs onto the nation's consciousness and never lets go. This is true not only in modern times, with addictive songs like "Umbrella" or "Crazy," but dating back to Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, and even to the likes of Louis Armstrong and Benny Goodman. All it takes is one great line, and you've got America by the throat.

Nowadays, that one great line is "Tell Me How My Ass Tastes."

Shaq may have killed the high-flying Phoenix Suns, one of my favorite teams ever, but this nearly makes up for it.

That one simple line just kills me. Tell me how my ass tastes. It's got amazing staying power. Like Beetlejuice and "The Exorcist," it keeps getting funnier every single time I hear it.

Until recently, I wasn't particularly against Kobe Bryant winning another title. I wouldn't be happy for him, but I wouldn't be, like, Bruce-Bowen-wins-again angry about it. But now, with the prospect of this one song being Kobe's legacy, I will root against him for the rest of my life. When Kobe retires, I want to see Shaq's freestyle featured prominently in the SportsCenter montage.

(P.S. Compare and contrast remixes.)

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  • I agree 100%. That line is complete genius, and makes up for the entirety of Shaq's atrocious rap career to date.

    What's great is it works in any setting; like Gottfried/Ice-T's act, it can't get old.

    By Blogger Alex Lehr, at 8:52 AM  

  • Yep, a week later and it's still funny.

    When Chris told me about the video, and the line, I wondered what Shaw could have rhymed "ass tastes" with, and assumed it would have to be a real stretch. That, of course, couldn't be any less true. "That's the difference between first and last place / Kobe, nigga, tell me how my ass tastes" is so natural that it ranks right up there in the discussion with "maybe it sags like a heavy load / or does it explode?"

    In conclusion, I want Shaq to read from his rhymebook at the inauguration next January. (That's why you lost the presidential horse race / McCain, nigga, tell me how my ass tastes...)

    By Blogger Jeff, at 6:50 PM  

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