Postgame Spread
You guys hangin' out? I'll hang out.

Monday, March 19, 2007

The Month Of Self-Writing Jokes Continues    

This is just too much.  I'd post the manatee picture, but I feel like Lehr kind of owns that.  I don't want to steal his thunder.  (His thunderous thunder-thighs thunder.)

Yeah, my mind is blown.  What's next, did he fart too?  As revelations go, this is on a par with the average post-game interview.  Yeah, we just wanted to go out there, play hard, give 110%, do it for the fans, night in night out.  Oh and by the way I got fucking diabetes from eating five chicken-fried vealduckens for breakfast every morning, ain't that a kick in the head.  Hey asshole, pass the hot dogs.  In fact, the only thing less surprising than this would be if he gave a press conference while firmly stuck inside in a bathroom stall, incapable of even Vaselining his way out, without first dropping "the mother of all deuces."

So the real question is, can I add anything at all to this situation besides simply pointing and laughing?  I guess I could point out that pinstripes would make him look slimmer, despite exposing the worcestershire stains on his shoulders.  But really, is that that funny?  No.  As you can see, when I get bored, quality gets drunkenly crapped into the hamper, with the last vestiges wiped away with a two-ply sheet of undisciplined blogging.

But since I've gotta say something, here goes:

Jeez, how about that Tom Brady?  That guy oughta switch from roofies to RU-fies!  If ya know what I mean, 'ello-'ello-'ello!

God I'm bored.  I need something more than "fat ballplayer gets diabetes, farts."  Can someone please hop in a shower and terrify an Ivy Leaguer again?



  • Cue Walrus picture?

    Speaking of baseball and personal vices, Terry Francona speaks out about his ongoing struggle with chewin' tobacky:

    "The players are horrible. They know it’s killing me. Ortiz is putting it under my nose. I saw a bag there, man, I actually smelled it. It was wonderful, but I’m not going to do it. I love it, but I made the bet big enough so I wouldn’t."
    --Red Sox manager Terry Francona, on smokeless tobacco, which he is quitting.

    "It’s just been second nature. The day I put my uniform on, I put a chew in my mouth. I don't touch it in the winter. I never wanted to, but the day I get to spring training, I want a chew. I've been here a month, and I've not been chewing, and I miss it. But I haven’t done it, and I’ll try the best I can not to."

    "The hardest thing for me is the half-hour before the game, because I always try to wait till a half-hour before, then I’d go sit in the dugout, put one in. And it’s heaven. Or at least, my view of heaven. And I haven’t been doing it. I miss it a lot."

    “I’m not proud of the fact that I do it. I know it’s horrible. I get mail, and my children (don’t like it). It’s a bad habit, and I’m trying not to do it.”

    "I have no pride. If it was pride, I’d be knee-deep in tobacco right now."
    --Francona (Karen Guregian, Boston Herald)

    By Blogger rusch, at 5:36 PM  

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