Amazing... Actual Baseball Discussion On TV

Has anyone else noticed that the games yesterday were shown without anyone harping on storylines... with no fighting amongst booth personalities to see who can make the most outrageous claim... and with an actual focus on analysis of the game action? In other words, have you noticed how thoroughly ESPN's pants are being pulled down by the folks at TBS?

Even the unending promos for The John Madden Impression Show Starring Frank Caliendo are easy to stomach when compared to the "news" coverage (steroids, soap operas, etc) and "analysis" (Rick Sutcliffe pimping Roy Halladay for the Cy Young? This year???) that ESPN forces into the game coverage. Hey, at least Caliendo can do a good impression of an announcer, which is more than can be said for anyone at ESPN.

So first TNT blows away the competitors with its NBA coverage, and now TBS blows away the competitors with its MLB coverage. How quickly can we get the Turner people an NFL game? Can we give them the hockey contract for free?

Home Run Derby

This year's derby was okay. The display was pretty good, it was nice to see Alex Rios make a name for himself, and Pac Bell Park (or whatever) is always nice to look at. So, overall... perfectly acceptable.

What isn't perfectly acceptable is Joe Morgan and Chris Berman broadcasting the same event, ever. Ever ever ever.

I am surely not the first to say that, and I suspect I won't be the last. I just witnessed an excruciating evening of live television.

You'd think I could live without the sound. It's just batting practice, right? Oh no. This is an event that doesn't work with the sound down. You need to hear the roar of the crowd. But to get that roar, you also need to accept the autofellative commentary of Berman and Morgan! Their me-first act doesn't end when the games do... they're always like that!!! Ugh. National ignorance alert level: orange!

And it's both of them at once! A nuclear holocaust of sports television! That's like getting cancer and AIDS in the same day. It's like surviving a plane crash over the ocean, only to get eaten by a shark. It's like having two giraffes rape me at the same time. There we go, that's it: Berman and Morgan are like a double dose of giraffe dick in my mouth.

But otherwise, nice job ESPN! Nice job eating out of an elephant's ASS, that is! PWN3D

Two Days In, Two Things Learned

The Nationals
They are TERRIBLE. Like, 2003 Tigers terrible. 1988 Orioles terrible. It's bad enough that they can't hit or pitch, but they screwed up yesterday's game by booting ground balls all over the place. Hideous stuff.

The shame of it is that I want to support them. I feel horrible that the team is this pathetic. In a fledgling market like DC, you can't afford to be so awful that you're irrelevant; for proof, just look at the Capitals. Given how badly the District fucked itself over financially to get the Nats in the first place, I'd hate to see baseball fail yet again. In that sense, seeing RFK so empty is a little scary.

Barry Bonds: Apparently He's OK Again
ESPN is right back to banging Barry down our throats like a dick. So I guess it's really not that important that he cheated? Oh, well I feel much better.

The real story is in two parts: a) that he's gonna break the record by having cheated so goddamn obviously, and b) that ESPN is back to selling his "achievement" as a positive. They might as well hire O.J. as a football analyst.

Listen, ESPN tools... nobody gives a shit about him. Nobody. We all know he cheated, and we all know his record is bullshit. Please stop celebrating him. And for the love of God, please stop embarrassing yourselves by acting like nothing happened.