Well, Back To Talking About How Versus Sucks

I'm in Boston. NESN is televising the Bruins/Canadiens game, so I get to hear the dulcet tones of Andy Brickley. (For the last time this season, from the look of it.)

Versus is also televising the Bruins/Canadiens game. But they are also also televising the fantastic Capitals/Flyers game, currently tied at 2-2 after two periods.

Naturally, since Bruins/Canadiens is on locally, and is therefore blacked out as a national broadcast due to NESN's territorial rights, Versus is sending us the Caps/Flyers game. After all, the people who run Versus and the NHL are logical and rational, and realize that blacking out hockey entirely due to local restrictions is antiquated, short-sighted, and stupid.

Oh. My mistake. It's a bunch of cowboy dickbuckets trying to stay on top of an abused cow.

Fuck you, Gary Bettman. Fuck you in the face.

Amazing... Actual Baseball Discussion On TV

Has anyone else noticed that the games yesterday were shown without anyone harping on storylines... with no fighting amongst booth personalities to see who can make the most outrageous claim... and with an actual focus on analysis of the game action? In other words, have you noticed how thoroughly ESPN's pants are being pulled down by the folks at TBS?

Even the unending promos for The John Madden Impression Show Starring Frank Caliendo are easy to stomach when compared to the "news" coverage (steroids, soap operas, etc) and "analysis" (Rick Sutcliffe pimping Roy Halladay for the Cy Young? This year???) that ESPN forces into the game coverage. Hey, at least Caliendo can do a good impression of an announcer, which is more than can be said for anyone at ESPN.

So first TNT blows away the competitors with its NBA coverage, and now TBS blows away the competitors with its MLB coverage. How quickly can we get the Turner people an NFL game? Can we give them the hockey contract for free?

Hockey Stuff

FIRST-ROUND ANALYSIS

* Atlanta vs. New York Rangers
A team cannot be vag-handled any more completely than the Thrashers were by the Blueshirts. Sean Avery beat them nearly single-handed. The Rangers get full marks.

* Pittsburgh vs. Ottawa
Also not close. The Penguins looked lost pretty much all series, though not for lack of effort. I love that team.

* Buffalo vs. New York Islanders
I thought the Islanders acquitted themselves fairly nicely, in a "just happy to have won that shootout" kind of way. Buffalo looked less than their best, but not so much that anyone needs to worry. What a juggernaut.

* New Jersey vs. Tampa Bay
Didn't see a second of this series. Thank you, NHL and Versus. I didn't want to see those games anyway... after all it's only THE MOTHERFUCKING PLAYOFFS YOU NHL DICKBAGS

* Anaheim vs. Minnesota
No surprises here... except I'm surprised they even played the games.

* San Jose vs. Nashville
Same here, though I did think Nashville would have a bit more in the tank. Peter Forsberg looked like a shell of his former self. Methinks it's time for that early retirement to Sweden, where he can slash and maul to his heart's content without having to score goals.

* Detroit vs. Calgary
Points to Calgary for stretching the series out. But they're a bunch of filthy thugs. The whole Jamie McLennan thing is exactly how much class that team has. Good riddance. That said, Detroit looks vulnerable to me. If a bunch of shitbags like Calgary can keep them under control, what could a real team like the Sharks or Ducks do?

* Dallas vs. Vancouver
A classic. One of those "if only both teams could win" series. More than one sudden-death OT game, both won by the Canucks. Two identical teams plus an epic goalie battle. Marty Turco went toe-to-toe with Roberto Luongo, which is pretty much a superhuman feat nowadays. So full marks to Dallas despite losing.

(Let's also point out that the Canucks whipped out their throwback blues for Game 7 last night. The only thing that could have pleased me more would have been the black and yellow skate logos, but hey, I also want a toilet made out of solid gold. The Canucks have the best throwbacks in hockey. Well played, sirs.)

SECOND-ROUND THOUGHTS

* Buffalo vs. New York Rangers
Sabres in six. It'll be way closer than the scoreboard shows, though. I could see the Rangers taking it if Jagr and Avery go absolutely out of their minds, but that's awfully unlikely. Buffalo's just so ridiculous.

* New Jersey vs. Ottawa
I could give a rat's ass. I don't much like either team. But the goalie situations are... well jeez, Marty Brodeur vs. Ray Emery? Jersey in five, max.

* Anaheim vs. Vancouver
Best second-round series. I'm praying that one of the Ducks pulls off his skate and goes after Trevor Linden. I'm gonna go with Anaheim in seven, but very, very reluctantly. Luongo has serious "I am the reason my crappy team got all the way to the Finals" potential.

* Detroit vs. San Jose
Ho-hum. Detroit in seven, Joe Thornton goes scoreless, leaving us to wonder whether the Sharks could have won had Bananaman not disappeared again.