Postgame Spread
You guys hangin' out? I'll hang out.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

New Favorite College Wrestler    

Ladies and germs, a man who needs no introduction.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Bedard, Jones    

Well, it finally happened, or so it appears. Erik Bedard will be a Mariner, and the Orioles have gotten the biggest prospect haul since the Indians traded Bartolo Colón. Well, maybe not quite, since it looks like the Mariners have managed to hang onto Carlos Triunfel, but getting one of the top 5-10 outfield prospects in the game, the best lefty specialist in the game (who shuts down righties just fine too), two legit SP prospects that aren't that far off, and a serviceable righty reliever is pretty handy. This was a good move for the Orioles, without question.

My emotional relationship with the trade is a confusing one. I had already slotted Jones to become my favorite baseball player, which is the problem with getting too involved with prospects, so seeing him go hurts. And he is a good bet to be a very good baseball player, bringing a lot of things that the Mariners really need to the table for very little money for a long time. Now the Orioles will get that, which sucks, but of course we just got a guy that might just be the best pitcher in baseball if he can stay healthy. I'm not saying he's got a real case for being better than Santana or Beckett, exactly, but he's on the short list of guys that tempt the comparison, which is amazing.

As usual, Jeff Sullivan says it best. It's a time to be disappointed but not outraged, worried but excited, and underneath it all mostly unsurprised that the Mariners probably won't seriously be contending for a title in the next 5 years. The bottom line is that the Mariners are still in a very precarious position. For a team with a little more depth near the top of their farm system, this is probably a no-brainer. Even earlier in the offseason, this could have been covered for. If we'd signed Geoff Jenkins, maybe we could work something out. But right now we traded a joke of a rotation for a joke of an outfield, which is mostly like spinning your wheels. It may be easier to find a right fielder than a "true ace," but that doesn't mean that I have any idea where that right fielder is coming from.

As USS Mariner puts it:

Since the team is going all-in for 2008, mortgaging the future in a chance to steal the division from the Angels this year, they need to get serious about fixing some of the other problems on this roster. Right field is now a gaping hole, and unfortunately, the good free agent outfielders are already off the board. The best plan would be to pursue a trade for a new young outfielder (call the Cubs about Matt Murton or Felix Pie please), but unfortunately, the team’s going to be running low on trade chips after this deal is complete.

Boy, too bad we don't still have Snelling and Soriano, who could actually help us weather this storm. Those trades continue to look more retarded every day, though poor Snelling didn't have the best year, obviously. The Mariners just don't appear, to me, to have the resources in talent, money, or available free agents and time to sign them to fix all these roster holes. Our pitching looks a hell of a lot better, but our offense and defense look terrifyingly bad. As USS Mariner points out, an injury to Ichiro or Beltre could fully sink the season before it starts.

But it's hard to be too cynical with Erik Bedard and Felix Hernandez on your roster. Though both have injury concerns and Felix has a few things left to put together, we're one of the only teams in baseball who could legitimately see two of their starters in Cy Young contention. And as Alex kindly reminded me a few weeks ago, Felix is still younger than Joba Chamberlain or Clay Buchholz, so take that stupid east coast media. And maybe next offseason will allow us to be rid of Sexson and Vidro and get Ibañez to DH or 1B, which could make life a lot more pleasant. So, it's both hard to see where the real improvement will come from and hard not to be excited by the possibilities.

I really wish Adam Jones was still a Mariner, but I can't work up the indignation that some folks have. There are some fairly preposterous insinuations that this deal isn't real, but I guess it's time to settle on a new soon-to-be-favorite-player. Then again, it might be Bedard, we'll just have to see how this all plays out.

Friday, January 25, 2008

On any given sunday, you too can bang Gisele    

Klosterman weighs in with the most interesting piece I've yet read on the Patriots.

Personally, I'm incapable of writing anything remotely intelligible about the game, since I'm still in shock at Favre having soiled the bed so completely, thus forcing me to (gasp) root for the Patriots. Why? Cause fuck the Giants, that's why.

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Sambuca Shall Flow Like Nomar's Tears    

Doug Mirabelli's returning to the Sox for 2008.  And you know what that means.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Department of Shut Yo Mouth    

Is anyone the least bit surprised that this beeotch went to Duke?

Separated at birth?

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Thursday, January 03, 2008


I'm probably not a good choice for writing up a playoff preview, since you probably can guess how I think it's gonna turn out. If you want a nice, thorough and non-partisan preview, go here. But if you want a biased Masshole opinion, keep reading.


Washington at Seattle. Washington is tough enough, and Seattle is flimsy enough, that this could come up Redskins. Todd Collins, Santana Moss and Clinton Portis are all peaking at the right time. But sentimental favorites and "trendy" picks tend to come up short around this time of year, which does not bode well for the Redskins. Seattle 20, Washington 13.

New York at Tampa Bay. This has bloodbath written all over it. At least the Giants get to see Florida in January. Tampa Bay 31, New York 6.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh hasn't played well in a long, long time. With no running game and injuries aplenty, against a formidable Jaguar run defense... Jacksonville is overrated, but I don't see this one turning out well unless the Steelers open up an early lead on some wacky passing plays. Jacksonville 19, Pittsburgh 14.

Tennessee at San Diego. Loath as I am to pick a Norv Turner team (or textbook loser-QB Philip Rivers) to win a game of checkers, let alone outwit Jeff Fisher and his defense, I don't see Tennessee pulling off a road win against LaDainian Tomlinson. He and his O-line are playing too well, and the Titans' offense isn't playing well enough to keep up with him. I could see the Titans keeping LT2 in check, but I don't think it will happen. San Diego 28, Tennessee 16.


Home teams win. Tampa and San Diego have the best chances to upset, but I still don't see it. We're gonna end up with the conference championships we've longed for since September.

Green Bay 27, Tampa Bay 13
Dallas 20, Seattle 10
Indianapolis 37, San Diego 28
New England 41, Jacksonville 14


Green Bay at Dallas. This is a toughie. The last time they played, Brett Favre had a Brett Farve meltdown, and Dallas hadn't lost its groove. This time, however, I actually like Green Bay. Tony Romo's not exactly playing with confidence, and Wade Phillips is in charge. No way that ends well. I'm not exactly a Favre-head, but I can't see him losing to friggin Wade Phillips. Green Bay 24, Dallas 21.

Indianapolis at New England. Another rematch. This one's gonna be really, REALLY interesting, if only because the Colts seem better suited for outdoor play than the homestanding Patriots. And it's not like the Pats are invincible; the month of December has proven that beyond a shadow. I see the game as a strict 50-50 proposition, where a bounce of the ball will decide the outcome between two equal teams. This one is going to be a goddamn classic... but you can guess how I think it'll turn out. New England 24, Indianapolis 21 (OT)


Green Bay vs. New England. I can't see Green Bay's offense ringing up much of anything against the Pats unless Favre throws exclusively to Ellis "Weakest Link" Hobbs. (If only he could deflect passes with that mouth of his.) I can, however, see Brady leading a drive down the field against the Packers' excellent pass defense. I don't see Favre winning the matchup of gunslingers this time... but it'll be interesting. New England 21, Green Bay 14.

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Commodus Steinbrenner    

Hank Steinbrenner is back in the news, and he now apparently is spokesman for not only the Yanks, but the Twins as well.

>>>After what he described as a "slow holiday season" for baseball business, Hank Steinbrenner is returning to his office Thursday to begin working on "a final decision" regarding a trade for Johan Santana. And he believes the Yankees have made the top offer for the Minnesota ace.
"I think the Twins realize our offer is the best one," Steinbrenner said Wednesday in a telephone interview. "I feel confident they're not going to trade him before checking with us one last time and I think they think we've already made the best offer."
Steinbrenner said the offer "does not include two of the three young pitchers" - Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy, from a group that also includes untouchable Joba Chamberlain - "but it's still the best one. And let's face it, we're the best able to handle the kind of contract (extension) Santana will be after."<<<

Easy, big guy, maybe you should stop talking for a while. Lesson # fucking 1 in business is that every interaction with the media is an opportunity for messaging. In the words of Ricky Roma, you never open your mouth unless you know what the shot is. The only messages he's sending here are: 1) He pretends to know what is best for the Twins; and 2) He's a fuckwit. If I'm the Twins GM, I deal with the Sox exclusively from now on, just to blow one giant raspberry at this obnoxious, self-centered dbag. And I even LIKED Hank for a while. That day is over. From now on, he's Commodus. Here's your uniform, asshole:

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How Kevin Youkilis Will Fight His Second-Half Slump This Season    

SlumpBuster.  Now that is classy.  If that drink isn't opaque, white and globular, Youk fails.