YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Hey Isiah, step into my office....

Ding dong, the cocksucking motherfucking fuckass piece of rat shit is dead.

Tip of the hat / Wag of the finger

Tip of the hat - to MLB, for letting me wake up to the middle o fa Sox game, on an otherwise mind numbingly boring Tuesday. Say what you will about the ridiculous disruption of rhythm placed on the A's and the Sox, breakfast baseball is cool.

Wag of the finger - to Buster Olney, for destroying all the goodwill engendered by morning baseball, by dropping this nugget of horror into today's chat:

Buster Olney: (2:30 PM ET ) Jason: I think C.C. Sabathia is going to have a very difficult/great decision to make, because the Yankees are going to offer him a staggering deal of maybe $40 million more than any other team.

/barfs

Commodus Steinbrenner

Hank Steinbrenner is back in the news, and he now apparently is spokesman for not only the Yanks, but the Twins as well.

>>>After what he described as a "slow holiday season" for baseball business, Hank Steinbrenner is returning to his office Thursday to begin working on "a final decision" regarding a trade for Johan Santana. And he believes the Yankees have made the top offer for the Minnesota ace.
"I think the Twins realize our offer is the best one," Steinbrenner said Wednesday in a telephone interview. "I feel confident they're not going to trade him before checking with us one last time and I think they think we've already made the best offer."
Steinbrenner said the offer "does not include two of the three young pitchers" - Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy, from a group that also includes untouchable Joba Chamberlain - "but it's still the best one. And let's face it, we're the best able to handle the kind of contract (extension) Santana will be after."<<<

Easy, big guy, maybe you should stop talking for a while. Lesson # fucking 1 in business is that every interaction with the media is an opportunity for messaging. In the words of Ricky Roma, you never open your mouth unless you know what the shot is. The only messages he's sending here are: 1) He pretends to know what is best for the Twins; and 2) He's a fuckwit. If I'm the Twins GM, I deal with the Sox exclusively from now on, just to blow one giant raspberry at this obnoxious, self-centered dbag. And I even LIKED Hank for a while. That day is over. From now on, he's Commodus. Here's your uniform, asshole:

Crazy Pills

Ok, there's no way ANY game this week can top the madness that ensued in the 9th inning of last night's Phillies/Marlins game. Craziest inning I've ever seen.

"The weirdest inning of all time" -Aaron Rowand, Phillies Center Fielder

Included in the festivities were two ejections, one injured franchise closer, and...
"the stupidest play in the history of baseball" -Greg Dobbs, Phillies 1st Baseman/waste of space
Read more here.

Seriously. I was taught in about 4th grade to always take the sure out at first. I hope that Myers' labrum is fucked, and that they rip out one of Dobbs' for the replacement. About 2 minutes later, Hanley was sliding under Barajas' "tag", a nice slide, but totally lucky. If Barajas doesn't inexplicably decide to stand up, for NO reason, all that happens is Hanley sprains his ankle and is called out.

Of course, they won the game, which is like saying Pyrrhus had a flawless victory.

Front Row: Pitcher Brett Myers; Second Row (from left): 1B Greg Dobbs, Catcher Rod Barajas, Manager Charlie Manuel; Back Rows: Tortured ghosts of Phillie fans who were actually alive last time this team won anything; Way Back Row: Ben Franklin.

Oh, and in other baseball news, guess who's undergoing Tommy John surgery?
so long, you goddamnedshiteatingdickbagcokefacedonkeylegturtleswineassgoblin.