He's BAAAAACK

REEEEEEEEEE!!!!

RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

(8/22) Update: RRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Well, that was fun

It's August 7th, and I'm ready to give up on the Yankees' season. Let's not be hasty the rest of the way - let the young kids heal (Joba, Kennedy, Hughes), let the oldsters rest up (Posada), and call this season a wash.

Our revenue is slated to double (DOUBLE) next year with the opening of the new stadium, up to around 600M or so. That's a spicy meatball. We should be able to buy whatever piece or two we need, but the key is the healthy development of our young arms.

Speaking of which, there is NO WAY Joba's not wearing a girdle here. Click, if you dare.

Hank Steinbrenner is a big, fat idiot

This man's stupidity will haunt me for the next two-three decades. Joy!

The solution, of course, is to move Jeet to third and trade ARod for David Eckstein.

Tip of the hat / Wag of the finger

Tip of the hat - to MLB, for letting me wake up to the middle o fa Sox game, on an otherwise mind numbingly boring Tuesday. Say what you will about the ridiculous disruption of rhythm placed on the A's and the Sox, breakfast baseball is cool.

Wag of the finger - to Buster Olney, for destroying all the goodwill engendered by morning baseball, by dropping this nugget of horror into today's chat:

Buster Olney: (2:30 PM ET ) Jason: I think C.C. Sabathia is going to have a very difficult/great decision to make, because the Yankees are going to offer him a staggering deal of maybe $40 million more than any other team.

/barfs

Offseason Strategy: Yankees: Skiing Edition

Guess who likes twinks?

"Meanwhile, Hughes has his locker moved. It was Mike Mussina’s idea. He wanted Hughes on one side and Ian Kennedy on the other so he talk to the kids all spring."

Reference here.

Mitchell Report Cleanup

Well, I sure got fooled by Leitch and company. Hey, I just assumed that if it was on Deadspin it'd be true! Brilliant. I'd like that hour of my life back, please.

Yep... the report itself was entirely pointless and free of revelation. Nothing of any real consequence came out. In fact, Mitchell seems to have omitted the parts that were, actually, you know, IMPORTANT.

Anyway, I should have left my thoughts on the outcome to the professionals. To make up for that, here's a professional.

(thanks)

The Glengarry 3B

Only one thing counts in this life:

GET THEM TO SIGN ON THE LINE WHICH IS DOTTED!

You hear me, you fucking faggots?

Get mad, people. Get MAD!

You know what it takes to sell free agents?

It takes brass balls to sell free agents.

Congratulations To The Yankees

For losing the division because they didn't defend against a bunt. Pathetic.









And of course:



Ahhhhhhhhh.

First LOL-Free Post In Like Three Weeks

Must... resist... urge... to make... lolrockies...

American League

AL East
Nothing's happened to change my mind here. Sox are still the better team, especially now that Manny is not just healthy but hot. They'll take the two games they need to win all by themselves, regardless of what the Yankees do.

AL home-field
I bet the Sox will pull this one out too. I'm not impressed by the Indians; I feel like they've peaked.

But if not, whatever. I'm not worried about who the Sox play. I'd kinda like the Yankees to play the Angels, but that looks unlikely w/o the Yankees taking the division. Which won't happen. So it's moot.

National League
What a weekend. Phils finally grab first place... Rocks surge towards the top of an entirely winnable division... Cubs refuse to snag the even more winnable Central... it should make for amazing viewing today and tomorrow.

Mets
They look dead. And Pedro didn't pull out a win yesterday, not that he pitched all that badly.

But weirder turnarounds have happened. People don't remember that the 2005 White Sox nearly blew their insurmountable lead over Cleveland, and only narrowly escaped with the Central title prior to their total domination of the playoffs.

Philly
Could this finally be the year where a good team makes the NL playoffs??? Let's hope so. Gotta love this team.

A Whale's Vagina
The Padres don't look so good. That cockgobbling umpire pretty much fucked them over. They're staying afloat, but I don't see them sweeping the Brewers, bad as Milwaukee has been, which is what they need to do to hold onto that wild card.

Arizona
Nobody's paid much attention to them, but they're probably the best team in the NL right now, albeit by default. I bet they end up winning the pennant, if only because they're the least expected, least known, and least sexy.

Colorado
I don't have much faith in the Rockies taking all three games from the D-Backs, especially not against Brandon Webb tonight. I'll still be rooting my ass off for them, but I don't see them winning 14 in a row to close out the season and earn a spot. (As with the Pads, I think they need to sweep.)

Brew Crew
Milwaukee sucks too much to take the division. Makes me sad, but they've blown it quite thoroughly. More disappointing than the Mets collapse, which is really just the Mets making up for how much they should have sucked (but didn't) back in April and May

Cubs
I'm amazed the Cubs are the team that survived the Central. That approach to roster building should not have worked. But I like the Cubs as a franchise, so good for them. I'd be OK with them making the World Series for once.

Loldioner

Alex Rodriguez: I hadda guy's finga up my asshole tonight.
Dioner Navarro: Is it Friday already?





(Too subtle? Are the hands too close together?)

This is the kind of shit that happens when the Sox try to catch up to the Yankees... the worst catcher in baseball hits a walkoff HR and shoots your margin of error straight to hell. It's nice to see the realities of a 162-game schedule work in MY favor for a change.

Live Blog: Blue Jays/Yankees 9.21.07

1st inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
2nd inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
3rd inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
4th inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
5th inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
6th inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
7th inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
8th inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
9th inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
10th inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK
11th inning: SCOTT DOWNS IS A FUCK

I HATE YOU SCOTT DOWNS YOU FUCK

HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH

DAY WANNA WONGA, SLEEMO?



So they were fined $750K and a 1st-round draft pick... the toughest non-punishment possible.

What do we learn from this?

1. Nothing serious happened.
Roger Goodell is a fascist, and not shy about it. And yet he didn't suspend Belichick for a single game, when he allegedly had every reason to. That's conclusive enough for me.

The end result was still run-of-the-mill gamesmanship. A little bit unfair, but certainly commensurate with the punishment levied.

2. The fines and picks were mostly political.
Goodell still had to look like he's taking this seriously, however. Hence the "unprecedented" punishment. Of course, unprecedented doesn't necessarily imply harshness. If Belichick had been fined 12 hamburgers and a bucket of pureed Spam canisters, that would also have been unprecedented. But not particularly harmful.

3. I now know how San Francisco Giants fans feel.
The crimes committed have almost nothing to do with each other. But the witch hunt is the same. Everyone, myself included, enjoyed nailing the despicable Barry Bonds for personal reasons; so it goes with the Belichick hate-sluice. The dike of hate has been busted open.

It makes me want to cut the Bonds defenders a LOT of slack. They're not in the right, but it really sucks to get attacked for shit you didn't do, and have your thoughts and opinions totally invalidated simply because of your rooting interests. God forbid you don't join in with the witch-burning with the rest of the mob. It's just lazy thinking.

Similarly lazy is the failure to put what actually happened into context, and consider what advantage was gained by "cheating." The tangible effect was minimal; illegal for sure, but hardly serious. But no... people pretty much stopped at "cheating" and "Belichick," two things NFL fans hate, being lumped together.

4. This story won't die that easily.
Nobody cares about the punishment. The whole "it's done, let's move on" way of thinking isn't gonna happen. And I can't blame anyone who feels that way. I still do not recognize the Spurs as the 2007 NBA champions, nor will I ever. Everyone's gonna bitch about this until the season ends.

Of course, the originators of the "nobody respected us, nobody believed we could do it" motivational tactic are right back in that old, familiar spot. Hmmm, isn't THAT convenient! Gosh, this "cheating" story is the worst thing that could have possibly happened... TO EVERYBODY ELSE.

5. Thankfully, I'm done with this topic
We now return you to the rest of my irrational sports coverage.

YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK

UH OHES

Guess who's back
Back again

Papi's back / tell a friend

That's right, fignuts: Papi's up to his old tricks again, just in time for the playoffs.

(I fully expect Hines Ward to accuse him of cheating by the end of the week.)

OMG RED SOX NATION FREAKING OUT

LEADZ ONLY FOUR GAMESES!!! IZ SUROUNDED BY GOSTS



TEH BOSTONS ARE SOOOOOO PATHETIC, LOL



HAVE ANOTHER ONE, DEREK

OH HOLD ON IS NOT 2003 NO MORE?



LEAD IS FIVE GAMES NOW?

NO WAIT LEAD IS SIX GAMES NOW?



OK, now that I've had my fun...

Standings fluctuate. You get within four, then you lose a couple and swing back to six. You get up to two, then suddenly it's five again. This has been my life as a Sox fan since 1999; who better than me to know how worried I don't have to be just yet?

I'm not gonna stand here and say the Yankees won't catch up. But I will say that the Sox need to start playing a lot worse than they are before I get worried about anyone else.

Aaron Hill Steals Home

Hat-tip to the Fanhouse... video of the most beautiful heist of the season.

Short:


Long:

Hero Of The Night

Tonight's hero: Aaron Hill!



Hill was as big a hero as Armando Benitez was a zero. A pair of balks to score the tying run, then a Carlos Delgado moon shot to lose it. With two outs. If you love watching closers melt down, this was a classic.

Oh, For The Love Of Mike

SLAPPY STRIKES AGAIN!



Guess I was wrong... there is someone who enjoys the work of Bruce Bowen.

Pathetic

Subtitle: In Which Jeff Sees Something On The Internet That Makes Him Crazy

See, here's the difference between Yankee fans and Sox fans.

When the Red Sox get swept by the Yankees, the world has ended. Even in April. The unavoidable truth of the situation is in our faces, and we take the additional step of rubbing our own noses in it, since we know it's coming anyway. The Yankees have beaten us again. There's no denying it, no "yeah, but..." to be spoken. Our only option is to lament our fate, excoriate the Sox themselves, and adjust to the new world order, in which we totally and completely suck and have nothing to say about anything. Extreme? Yes. But fully rooted in reality.

When the Yankees get swept by the Red Sox, the response is full-blown denial. It's as if they'd fallen into an alternate universe for a few days, returned immediately after the sweep, and continued to act as if nothing happened. Even a "yeah, we got swept, big deal, see you in August" would be fully reasonable and mostly justified, since there's still that tiny iota of acknowledgement. But that's what you get when they choke away four straight playoff games. The rest of the time, it's utter fantasy, in which anti-Yankee events simply did not happen.

For example, check out this response to last weekend's sweep. Making fun of Schilling because he gave up HRs to A-Rod. In a game the Sox won. Seriously. Three winnable games in a row, one of which was blown late by the greatest closer in history*, and the response is not the allowable "ahh, so what," but rather the absurd "IN YOUR FACE!" Yes, in our face for giving up HRs while winning the game. Gee, we really suck.

Try to picture the reverse scenario. Imagine if Sox fans were applauding Big Papi for having a huge weekend while being swept in the Bronx. How sad would that be? That's what this is. NYYFans is supposed to be the New York equivalent of SoSH. If someone posted the Red Sox equivalent of those pictures after a three-game sweep, they would be banned. That guy RUNS THE SITE. Come on, guy.

Further, isn't this precisely the sort of shit A-Rod was being run out of town for a month ago? Then, putting up ridiculous stats in defeat was proof that he wasn't a True Yankee. Now it's cause for celebratory Photoshop contests. Funny, because I seem to recall that game coming out a bit differently:



Eat it, bitches. See you Friday.

* - The history of fruitbats, that is. Cut fastball my ass.