NBA Game-Fixing: It's Cav-tastic!

What an irredeemable shitshow I witnessed tonight.

The kinda-sorta goaltend by my man Delonte West wasn't exactly a prize-winner, nor was the travel call on Garnett (especially considering that they let Joe Smith get away with a travel with 14 seconds left). But the offensive foul on Paul Pierce with a few minutes remaining was one of the worst, most embarrassing calls I have ever seen. Permanent shame on the referee who called that charge. May he go to hell and drown in a flaming pool filled with the devil's boiling diarrhea.

Much as I'd love to be pissed at the Celtics for blowing another winnable road game, how can I be mad at them when Dick Bavetta and his crew of war criminals would have found something else to call? After the atrocious display in San Antonio last night, and that unforgivably bad charge call, I believe NBA referees are capable of calling absolutely anything right now.

To think people wonder why home teams keep winning these games. Gee, could it be that THE REFEREES ARE FUCKING INCOMPETENT?????

Anyway, haven't lost faith in the Celtics. I saw nothing tonight to ease my nerves (besides the return of Eddie House... about damn time), but I have no reason to think they'll lose at home until someone beats them at home. And don't forget, home court means the cowardly referees will be giving the C's all the calls! So that's comforting.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Hey Isiah, step into my office....

Ding dong, the cocksucking motherfucking fuckass piece of rat shit is dead.

See You Next Trainingcamp

A tradition unlike any other... Papelbon making a joyous ass of himself.



Now that we've served the hot dog, time for some relish.

In short... this is just as good as 2004, but also nothing at all like 2004. They're opposite halves of the same coin: one year they did it when nobody thought they would, and one year they did it when everyone thought they should.

This championship was so exceedingly normal that there is no excuse, period, for further reference to collapses and whatnot. The Red Sox franchise is for real, and they're not going anywhere for quite a while.

So who else is coming to the parade? Lehr, you in?

One last thought: fuck you, Scott Boras, for ruining the 8th inning. Die in a fire. (Hey, there was already a DIAF tag! Wonder what's in there...)

NBA Moratorium: Fully Justified

I didn't say anything about this yesterday, but MJD's flawless take on the situation got me fired up.  Release the Crazy Jeff tag!

I tuned in for just a minute or two of the end of Game 4 in Utah... just long enough to catch the unconscionable flop by Manu Ginobili that led to the first of Derek Fisher's two technicals.

At that moment, I knew that my decision to abandon the NBA playoffs was correct.

When I say that the NBA is dead... that its legitimacy is fast plummeting towards the depths occupied by boxing, wrestling, and international soccer... and that David Stern needs to start handing out Ron Artest suspensions for generally unsportsmanlike play (not just isolated incidents, but for a player's body of work)... Ginobili's acting performance is exactly what I'm talking about.

Every bonehead who talks about what a fierce competitor Ginobili is, what a tough guy he is, should be forced to watch that shameless, gutless flop on a loop for an hour.  There's competitiveness, and there's sportsmanship.  Nobody can question Ginobili's competitiveness, but there isn't a drop of sportsmanship in his game.  Not one.  If you respect that piece of shit, even a little bit, you're a real sap, because he sure doesn't respect you very much.

It's well beyond Code Red time for Ginobili.  If it were 1984, that androgynous bald fuck would've gotten his teeth smashed in.  Larry Bird would have done it himself.  Of course, Ginobili would know better than pull that crap on the Celtics or Lakers, because those teams would fight back!

But we all know what would happen if Derek Fisher had delivered the curb-stomping that Ginobili so desperately deserves.  Long suspension for Fisher, nominal fine for Ginobili, Ginobili wins.

And that's not going to change.  Neither the NBA nor its players will fight back, because there's no money in it.  The players keep looking to the league to do something, since vigilantism incurs all kinds of fines and suspensions.  The league, meanwhile, knows that neither the outcome of past games nor income from future games will be affected by the kind of retroactive action I'm calling for.  Improving the quality of the on-court product doesn't affect the TV contract, the attendance figures, the merchandising, the endorsements, or anything else.  Why would they change anything?

And that's how the NBA became a joke.  They don't care, so why should I?

The Utah crowd spent the last four minutes of the game pelting the court (read: the Spurs and referees) with garbage.  I wish I could have joined them.

I'm Not The Least Bit Surprised

YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!

What did I say yesterday? The Celtics are so incompetent, they can't even win a random drawing. I blame the Boston Celtics front office 100% for what happened tonight.

See, I'm a "results" kinda guy. I'm not interested in excuses. Aww, we had injuries. We lost some close games. It's a random drawing over which the Celtics brass could not have exerted any influence. Cry me a river. You know who talks like that? Losers. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. No prom queen = you're a loser. Therefore the folks responsible for the success and failure of the Celtics are therefore responsible for this latest failure.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not crazy. I realize I said some things up there that may not be entirely within the realm of possibility. I may, or may not, have resorted to a bit of hyperbole in order to make my point. But I'm not serious about all that. I'm sane enough to recognize God's wrath when I see it.

Yeah, I said that. All those years of CCD haven't been lost on me. This is Biblical. The owners have been punished for being too proud of their current roster. Doc Rivers has been punished for being a stupid ignorant bastard. Danny Ainge has been punished for not firing Doc, and for trading a rookie of the year for a pistol aficionado. (And let's not forget who won the whole lottery: Portland, the folks on the other end of the Roy/Telfair trade. Don't even try to tell me one thing had nothing to do with the other.)

And, most of all, Celtics fans are being punished for... well, in the Catholic idiom, we're being punished for the success of the Pats and Red Sox. But I have to say, God's choice of punishment is a bit non-standard. He usually makes his point in more traditional ways:



DIAF MFS!!!!! NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!!!!!!!

(No pics on GIS of the Spanish Inquisition, unfortunately. Just illustrations.)

So, now that the inevitable is out of the way, let's see what good can be salvaged from this disaster:

1) Losing on purpose was not rewarded. I can get behind that. In theory.

2) I get to keep hating the NBA without worrying about Oden/Durant excitement. Done and done! (And I mean done.)

3) Doc and Danny are DEFINITELY getting fired now. I'll order the sparkling cider.

4) Maybe, just maybe, landing Durant can save basketball in Seattle. Sidney Crosby saved the Penguins, so maybe Kevin Durant saves the Sonics.

(Man, I really wasted that DIAF picture... should've used it on Clay Bennett. That homophobic money-grubbing scumbag cocksucker. Eat a dick, Clay; don't knock it before you try it. Anyway, if losing Durant meant saving the Sonics, I can't really argue with that. That's fair. Of course, it has to actually happen...)