NBA Finals Game 4: Bravo

The great thing is that when they were down 24, I thought to myself, "they could still do this. Not playing like this, but it could happen." And then it did. What a night.

So many heroes. Ray Allen turns in another unsung performance, culminating in embarrassment on national television for Sasha "The Machine" Vujacic. Paul Fucking Pierce shutting Kobe Bryant the fuck down. James Posey showing his pedigree. And let's not forget Eddie HOUUUUUUUUSE!

Man oh man. I'm still clapping, and the game's been over for two hours.

While y'all in the clappin' mood...



...let's do something I may never get to do again: congratulate Doc Rivers on a phenomenal coaching job.


/blog explodes
//explodes with delight, that is!

Full marks to Doc tonight. This is his masterpiece. His rotations in the 2nd half were masterful... sticking with House, giving Posey huge minutes despite the 5 fouls, keeping Sam Cassell holstered, playing Allen the whole game. And he certainly kept his team focused and even-keeled, despite the 24-point deficit.

But above all else, let's talk about Doc putting Pierce on Kobe. It may have been Pierce's idea, but it was Doc's call. And since I'm feeling pretty generous, I'll let him take credit for that.

Enjoy tonight, Doc Rivers. Enjoy the glow of your masterpiece. Because by tomorrow, I'm going to forget any of this ever happened.

Massholes On Parade Special Report: Beatdown Edition

Sigh.



Dear Los Angeles street toughs,

Beating down a Masshole is not an appropriate response to a "Beat L.A." cheer, as the cheer is not to be taken as a literal threat. Please instead resort to the correct response: pig-blaps and mushroom tattoos. Thank you.

Sincerely,

The fans of the team that pig-blapped your jump-shooting rapist last night

WHAT DID I SAY?

What did I say?



What did I say?

WHAT DID I SAY? WHAT DID I SAY??? WHAT DID I SAY?????? TELL ME WHAT I SAID!!!!!

DID I PERHAPS SAY THAT LEON POWE IS A FUCKING MANIAC AND NEEDS MORE MINUTES, BECAUSE HE ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AND HE DOESSSSSSSSSSSSS

Leon Powe instantaneously transformed this team back into the 66-win juggernaut that it has NOT been at any point in these playoffs. For the last six weeks, we've been wondering what happened to the Celtics. Doc Rivers killed them by burying Powe.

If you seek evidence that Doc is ignorant, and that his coaching job the past six weeks merits the death penalty, look no further than the shabby treatment of #0.

The Time To Abide Is Over

Enough.

Paul Pierce was, and still is, hurt.

Deal with it.

I'm sorry that everyone and their mothers has compared his recovery to Willis Reed's. I'm sorry you had that silly comparison shoved down your throats. I'm sorry you had to see him carted off in such a graceless manner. I'm sorry his return seemed so convenient. I truly am.

That does NOT mean he wasn't hurt. It just means you got surprised. It happens. Get over it.

Is it really that hard to believe? You know what happens when you tear a knee ligament? You go down for a minute in excruciating pain, spring up to your feet again as if nothing had happened, and then succumb to swelling and stiffness a few hours later. Pretty much exactly what happened to Pierce. While he doesn't appear to have torn anything, he was visibly limping after the game. Or was he faking that too? A second lie to hide the first one? Is that more believable than seeing a man play through a legitimate, albeit minor injury?

I am continually amazed by the ability of the human mind to deny, deny, deny.

But on the whole, this idiot reaction outside of New England isn't surprising to me. People have been doubting Paul Pierce since he entered the draft. This is no exception.

Why that bothers me so much, in two parts:

1. Nobody's been paying attention to The Truth... and they should have been

The Truth just can't win with some people.

Pierce has never, and I mean never, gotten the respect he deserves from the national media or the league fanbase. There is a double standard applied to Pierce's achievements and failures that is not applied to the more talented peers. Doubting his injury is just the latest entry in the ongoing saga of Paul Pierce being doubted. It started on draft day, and it hasn't stopped yet.

I believe this misconception originates with Pierce's nonathletic style. He's basically a smaller version of Carmelo Anthony... he can, and will, score on you in every imaginable fashion, but it won't look pretty. He's never been a Kobe/LeBron/VC-style dunking 2/3 swingman; he relies so heavily on unspectacular high-percentage plays (dribble penetration and foul shooting) that his best work rarely draws attention. The results are basically the same, and yet Pierce is considered a second-run 2/3, rarely mentioned in the same breath as Carter, McGrady and others.

(Ironic that Pierce's #1 strength, taking it to the hole as a matter of course, is the precise thing that the likes of VC and T-Mac are taken to task for when discussing their 4th quarter struggles. And yet VC and T-Mac are the "superstars," while reliable 4th quarter scoring stud Pierce dangles in purgatory. Huh.)

Yes, he's been on six All-Star teams, and is a well-recognized player who's been in shoe commercials and whatnot. People who know seem to hold Pierce in esteem. But he's always been viewed with a "but" of some kind attached.

More important than the lack of credit given for his successes, though, is the total lack of slack given for his failures.

We can start with his epic mental collapse in Game 6 against Isiah Thomas' Pacers a few years back. It's tough to argue that Pierce should have shoved Jamaal Tinsley like that, but I found it unnecessary to heap so much blame on Pierce for a) responding in kind to a hard foul and b) falling victim to such an obvious exaggeration by Tinsley. That's some Shane Battier shit right there. When one considers, further, that the Celtics would have been nowhere without Pierce's contributions, let alone Atlantic Division champs, the amount of grief Pierce absorbed was rather out of line. He's spent the last three seasons trying to live that one play down. That's bullshit.

Then there's the age-old question of his supporting cast. No help better than Antoine Walker. Years and years and years of mind-numbing play from the likes of Mark Blount, Marcus Banks, Wally Szczerbiak. And yet it's always been Pierce's fault, because at the end of the day, it's his job to get it done with the hand he's dealt. If he were a real Celtic, he'd have blah blah blah.

Adding insult to failure is the stigma, unfairly attached to Pierce, of being seen as a me-first black hole on offense. Let me get this straight... he chose to keep the ball instead of passing off to Tony Allen and Sebastian Telfair, and that's the reason they lost? Recognizing that he really WAS the only decent player on the roster? Of course! What a bastard!

It'll always be something.

And it's not right. Some guys are ripe for that kind of criticism, deserving of that grain of salt, that cynical eye, based on their past transgressions. You will not find anything on Pierce's resume to warrant what he's dealt with in ten years as a Celtic. Snafus and dust-ups? Sure. Frustration? Absolutely. Self-perpetuated destruction? No way. The guy's a pro.

Anyway, all this adds up to Pierce being, in my view, one of the most (if not the most) underrated NBA players in recent memory. There's talk nowadays that a championship cementing his place in Springfield, and of Game 1 securing a spot for #34 in the rafters. As if he'd just sprung out of the ground this season. Wrong. The Hall and the rafters have been done deals for a long, long time. Everyone who thinks he needs a ring to be recognized for the superstar he is only expose how closely they haven't been watching Paul Pierce.

2. Convicted floppers have poisoned the well of credibility

Cry wolf often enough, and people won't believe you no matter what's after you.

All season long, we suffer through the tomfoolery of REAL cheaters like Manu Ginobili, LeBron James, Anderson Varejao and the like who gladly collapse in agony at the slightest touch with the express intent of fooling the referees. Flopping, faking injuries and engaging in other chicanery to gain a competitive edge, so long as it's not caught by the refs, has become a tacitly accepted part of the game.

Because the league has refused (until recently) to get serious about the problem, we in the audience have no choice but to accept it ourselves. As a result, it's not just the credibility of phony scumbags like Ginobili and LeBron that comes into question, but that of every player in basketball. Nowadays, any injury that doesn't involve blood, protruding bones or detached eyeballs is cause for doubt.

So, after seeing Pierce return from injury so promptly, one questions just how seriously he was hurt. Which is fine. He clearly wasn't hurt that badly, because he came back.

But why does that make him a faker? Is there no difference between "not hurt that bad" and "not hurt AT ALL"??? Is it really so hard to believe he was just being careful? What's so wrong with how he played it? Was it the 3rd and 4th people carrying his legs that were so upsetting? It was Tony Allen and Brian Scalabrine! It's not like they were busy. Why not be careful?

More importantly, what in Pierce's resume would make you think he was faking? He is not a cheap player, a manipulative gamesman, a mind-fucking liar. He's not a self-protective ego case. He's just a baller. The genuine article. A basketball junkie (search that article for "junkie") more in tune with The Right Way To Play Basketball, NBA history, and his place in it, than the vast majority of his peers. That nickname of his isn't just some bad-ass moniker... it's what he is. He is The Truth.

Above all, he's a tough motherfucker. Last year was the first time in a long, long time that Paul Pierce has missed significant time due to injury. But it wasn't the first time in recent years that he'd been injured. Not by a long shot. Like Allen Iverson, he plays through the little shit and throws himself into the breach anyway. He doesn't have to answer to anybody on the subject of toughness.

And yet he has nevertheless been saddled with the cynicism borne from what we see from fakers like LeBron and Ginobili.

Why? Because The Truth just can't win with some people.

Enough.

Paul Pierce is not your average player. If you don't see why he's so different, you're not looking closely enough. I know, I know, it'll take more than five or ten minutes to do that. I'm really sorry about that. But that's what it takes to be right.

Reexamine him, regardless of wins and losses. He deserves it.

The Key To The Finals

Abide by this JPEG, and the Celtics will bring it home. Ignore its sage wisdom, and watch your dreams shatter before your bare feet. (h/t to BDL liveblog)

I'm cautiously optimistic about this series, if only because I think people have conveniently forgotten the Celtics' defensive superiority, as well as their successful containment of Mr. Bryant (pre-Gasol) during the regular season.

I fully expect this series to be aesthetically revolting... and a classic.

Celtics in 7.

Mr. Roboto Speaks

For those who think the Eastern Conference Finals are boring, unsexy, and hopeless... I respectfully submit Game 5.



Game 6 will be just as good. Getcha popcorn ready.

NBA Game-Fixing: It's Cav-tastic!

What an irredeemable shitshow I witnessed tonight.

The kinda-sorta goaltend by my man Delonte West wasn't exactly a prize-winner, nor was the travel call on Garnett (especially considering that they let Joe Smith get away with a travel with 14 seconds left). But the offensive foul on Paul Pierce with a few minutes remaining was one of the worst, most embarrassing calls I have ever seen. Permanent shame on the referee who called that charge. May he go to hell and drown in a flaming pool filled with the devil's boiling diarrhea.

Much as I'd love to be pissed at the Celtics for blowing another winnable road game, how can I be mad at them when Dick Bavetta and his crew of war criminals would have found something else to call? After the atrocious display in San Antonio last night, and that unforgivably bad charge call, I believe NBA referees are capable of calling absolutely anything right now.

To think people wonder why home teams keep winning these games. Gee, could it be that THE REFEREES ARE FUCKING INCOMPETENT?????

Anyway, haven't lost faith in the Celtics. I saw nothing tonight to ease my nerves (besides the return of Eddie House... about damn time), but I have no reason to think they'll lose at home until someone beats them at home. And don't forget, home court means the cowardly referees will be giving the C's all the calls! So that's comforting.

omigodomigodomigodomigodomigod

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!



AAAAAAAA!



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The State Of Boston

Things are good!

Red Sox
They signed up their only two potential offseason losses, and did so cheaply. It's a testament to the Red Sox organization that a couple of smart guys like Curt Schilling and Mike Lowell, both of whom had enormous market value, took less to stay. After watching the Dan Duquette era, this is maybe the best part of the revival: that Boston actually is a city where ballplayers will sign for less, and that the previous statement isn't just something the fans tell themselves to justify their cruel treatment of the local losers. Anyway, it's positive news w/o any qualification on it.

I'm still curious what they intend to do with Coco Crisp, and whether they intend to toss their hat into the Johan Santana derby. Theo Epstein is usually active at the winter meetings, so I'd expect one of those two things to become a major hot stove story.

Patriots
They had their C-game last night (especially on defense... wowee!) and still won pretty effortlessly. I found that quite comforting, actually. They popped out a turd and won anyway. Good on them.

More urgent/important is the purported "discovery" by Andy Reid that the team's weakness is its secondary and short coverage by the linebackers. DUH! Once you get past Asante Samuel, it's a hell-hole in there. Even Rodney Harrison has been awfully silent. If there's no pass rush, then of course they will be exposed. While the whole "blueprint" meme is pretty on-target... the notion that Andy Reid "discovered" this strategy is just stupid. Yes, the way to beat the Patriots is to stop their four unstoppable defensive linemen (including the soon-to-be-very-rich-elsewhere Jarvis Green) and not throw towards Samuel. Also, I just discovered that the "blueprint" for preventing typos is to use a spell-checker before hitting Send. COMPLIMENT ME JOHN MADDEN FOR BEING SMART AND FAT

The other troubling thing was to see Randy Moss shut down so effectively. Wes Welker stepped up, but seeing Moss get shut down in the cold brings a lot of late-season Vikings collapses to mind. Something to stow away for later.

Celtics
They are playing like garbage. Really. Paul Pierce in particular is leaning back on his old tricks... take the ball, ram it past double-team, hope they don't strip me. Low-percentage shots. What made me fall back in love with the team was their ball movement, not Pierce's scoring aggregates. When the C's go on their scoring runs, it's because they're finding open shooters; when they drop behind, it's because they get lazy with their shot selection. Between Ray, KG and PP, they WILL move the ball if they choose to. It's that simple.

Anyway, the other message is that America had better not sleep on Rajon Rondo and Kendrick Perkins, because they're both making the most of their newfound job security. This season is shaping up to be Rondo's coming-out party; he makes plays, and he's hitting open 18-footers with the greatest of ease. Perkins has brick fingers on offense, but his always-tight defense is all that will really matter.

In conclusion, last Saturday's fuck-you buzzer-beater was absolutely beautiful, for so many reasons. The bush-league Bobcats talked shit all through the timeout leading up to the inbounds pass. I sat there, watching Jeff MacInnis shoot his mouth off to fucking Kevin Garnett, and thought "they're gonna steal the ball, and they're gonna win." And sure enough, Eddie House stole the ball, and forgotten man Ray Allen sent the Bobcats to bed. What a moment.



Bruins
Amazingly, even the Bruins are growing on me. They aren't going anywhere, but I have to tip my cap to favorite whipping-boys Tim Thomas and Dennis Wideman.

Thomas is a hockey verison of David Eckstein; too short, nobody wanted him, what a competitor, blah blah blah. So I hate him, and I truly detest when his fans give him credit for winning and look the other way when his mediocrity returns to the surface. But this year, Thomas actually is the reason they're winning. He has to save 30-35 shots a night for the team to win (because their blue line situation is so atrocious)... and he's actually doing it. So I give credit. It may not last, but I'll take it while we have it.

Wideman, meanwhile, is already visibly better than he was in October. He's starting to mix net-positive plays in with his trademark bonehead turnovers. More credit given there for starting to get his act together. Still not seeing much value (he's not even remotely physical as a defender) but any improvement is welcome.

The last thing I want to say is: Marc Savard. Can you Bruin bastards PLEASE play up to this guy's level? Or at least hit the empty nets Savard gives you twice a night? This guy's got worth-the-price-of-admission passing skills, and they're lost on offensive doofuses like P.J. Axelsson and Old Man Murray. Pearls before swine.

Revolution
Sorry, boys... I'm pretty much done with you. The "choker" business may be overblown, but that collapse was just awful. And you could see it coming. It really was a choke. Ugh.

I'm Not The Least Bit Surprised

YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!

What did I say yesterday? The Celtics are so incompetent, they can't even win a random drawing. I blame the Boston Celtics front office 100% for what happened tonight.

See, I'm a "results" kinda guy. I'm not interested in excuses. Aww, we had injuries. We lost some close games. It's a random drawing over which the Celtics brass could not have exerted any influence. Cry me a river. You know who talks like that? Losers. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. No prom queen = you're a loser. Therefore the folks responsible for the success and failure of the Celtics are therefore responsible for this latest failure.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not crazy. I realize I said some things up there that may not be entirely within the realm of possibility. I may, or may not, have resorted to a bit of hyperbole in order to make my point. But I'm not serious about all that. I'm sane enough to recognize God's wrath when I see it.

Yeah, I said that. All those years of CCD haven't been lost on me. This is Biblical. The owners have been punished for being too proud of their current roster. Doc Rivers has been punished for being a stupid ignorant bastard. Danny Ainge has been punished for not firing Doc, and for trading a rookie of the year for a pistol aficionado. (And let's not forget who won the whole lottery: Portland, the folks on the other end of the Roy/Telfair trade. Don't even try to tell me one thing had nothing to do with the other.)

And, most of all, Celtics fans are being punished for... well, in the Catholic idiom, we're being punished for the success of the Pats and Red Sox. But I have to say, God's choice of punishment is a bit non-standard. He usually makes his point in more traditional ways:



DIAF MFS!!!!! NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!!!!!!!

(No pics on GIS of the Spanish Inquisition, unfortunately. Just illustrations.)

So, now that the inevitable is out of the way, let's see what good can be salvaged from this disaster:

1) Losing on purpose was not rewarded. I can get behind that. In theory.

2) I get to keep hating the NBA without worrying about Oden/Durant excitement. Done and done! (And I mean done.)

3) Doc and Danny are DEFINITELY getting fired now. I'll order the sparkling cider.

4) Maybe, just maybe, landing Durant can save basketball in Seattle. Sidney Crosby saved the Penguins, so maybe Kevin Durant saves the Sonics.

(Man, I really wasted that DIAF picture... should've used it on Clay Bennett. That homophobic money-grubbing scumbag cocksucker. Eat a dick, Clay; don't knock it before you try it. Anyway, if losing Durant meant saving the Sonics, I can't really argue with that. That's fair. Of course, it has to actually happen...)

Nate Robinson Got... JACKED UP

Gerald Green, to the surprise of exactly zero Celtics fans, won the slam dunk contest. I think propers need to be given to executive assistant Paul Pierce, whose lobbing prowess helped Green to a one-and-done performance from start to finish. None of that Chris Andersen "Birdman's gonna fly" nonsense, which Nate Robinson ended up repeating. (Ugh.)

Dwight Howard was kinda jobbed by the judges, but personally I think Robinson's second dunk was overrated more than Howard's was underrated. As nuts as the sticker part was, the dunk itself was too basic. You can't just put the sticker way, way up there... the image isn't enough. You gotta hang on top of the board. That's the only way for the ridiculousness of the hang time to outweigh the blandness of the throw-down.

Regardless, it wouldn't have made much difference if Howard had advanced. Green won the damn thing outright. Now if he could only figure out the rest of basketball. He's still in the "Do you want me to SHOOT IT? NOOOOO" phase of his career.

But here's what he has mastered.

Dunk #1


Dunk #2


Dunk #3


Dunk #4