PATS ARE TWEETERS!!!

OMG THE PATS ARE A BUNCH OF TWEETERS! THEY HAVE TO TWEET TO WIN! NICE JOB COACH BELITWEET! MAYBE YOU CAN SET UP YOUR TWITTER IN THE OPPOSING TEAM'S LOCKER ROOM NEXT TIME, BELITWEET! AND SOME WOMAN IN JERSEY TWEETED ON HER HUSBAND WITH HIM! TWEETING TWEETY TWEETERS! TWEETEEN AND ONE!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHH!

Ahh, I feel better now.

Translation: the Patriots are tweeting their draft picks on submit, which means the two minute lag between Chris Berman and Keyshawn Johnson shutting their stupid mouths up and the announcement of the pick is avoided! I can just watch @realpatriots when the Pats are on the clock, bypassing ESPN's self-fellative, unendingly annoying setup entirely. What the hell do I care whether Chris Berman is surprised by something? He'd be surprised to learn about Twitter! Why would his surprise at Sebastian Vollmer's selection mean anything at all to me?

On another note, the Pats are KILLING IT today. Through four picks, they get about an A-, all things considered. Traded their first-rounder twice and netted the #41 and two third-rounders from it. They'll likely turn some of those third-rounders into 2010 second-rounders.

Of today's four picks, S Patrick Chung and CB Darius Butler are high-profile super-athletic defensive backs, something this team hasn't had since, ugh, Tebucky Jones. (Let's never compare those guys to Tebucky again.) Either way, FINALLY, the defensive backfield's depth chart is full. I feel young again! If Terrence Wheatley and Jonathan Wilhite expand their roles appropriately in their second seasons, this is suddenly an area of strength. Best possible development of the day.

Outside linebacker is still a gaping hole shaped like Mike Vrabel, but that and fullback are the ONLY holes left on the team. And with four third-rounders tomorrow, I'd be stunned if they aren't both addressed within minutes of the opening bell.

Only one minor complaint: not crazy about letting Pat White go to the Dolphins. A team that loves trick plays like the Pats and uses them as frequently as they do could have really used a multi-positional Kordell Stewart/Seneca Wallace type weapon. But given that the reason to skip White is defense, I'm fine with it.

In summation, I'm happy. And presumably I'll be even happier tomorrow. Did I mention FOUR third-rounders?

Massholes On Parade: Miami Beatdown Edition

I know... it's a crazy thought. And I'd never question the loyalty or intelligence of my fellow Boston sports fans.

But the fans at Gillette Stadium on Sunday, fans haven't seen a loss in that stadium since November 2006, and only two losses at all (in the Conference final and the Super Bowl) in that same timespan, booed their shorthanded team at the halftime break. Yep, with an NFL-record 21-game regular season winning streak intact, they got booed off the field. Marvelous.

I've been saying (privately of course) that Cassel and the Pats will be fine, and will make the playoffs despite the Brady injury. But they are capable of losing each game that remains on their schedule. Every single one. And they will lose at least another 5 or 6 of them, just as they did on Sunday. It's what happens when you don't have Tom Brady. Get used to it.

The spoiled pricks at Gillette would do well to remember that poor efforts will happen on occasion. After last season, they are not entitled to ANYTHING. Spouting this arrogant, "we paid our hard-earned money" nonsense is not an acceptable excuse. You don't deserve shit above what anyone else does. Get over yourself.

But while handing out craps to Pats fans, let's hand out some snaps... shockingly, to Ellis Hobbs and the hero turn his mouth just made. I've absolutely hated Hobbs as a player since his arrival. He's the epitome of the guy who's all bark and no bite, who can't back up all the trash he talks. He's a shitty cornerback, though he appears to be much improved this season. But for talking trash to Pats fans, and actually using the word "spoiled" in doing so, he gets my unwavering support. Bravo. I never would have pegged him as the guy with a clue, but good for him.

Pats-Ravens

Briefly:

* I feel as if the Pats just won a playoff game. What an ending. I'm still wired. I think I got shin splints from jumping in the air so much after the two-minute warning.

* I'm also terrified that they're going to lose. Clearly that's relative (how terrified can you be at 12-0) but they've dropped two turdbuckets in a row and now face a team that's actually playing well. If this defense can't stop Kyle Boller and Willis McGahee, what will they do against good players like the Steelers have??? Oh noes...

* The Ravens have little to be ashamed of. (Bart Scott kinda does, but the damage had been done by then.) If I were them, I'd feel cheated... by my coaches. They did their jobs, and then Rex Ryan got cute with the timeouts. It's hard enough to beat the Pats when it's just the refs handing them the game... they don't need any help from the coaches.

(Two gamesmanship timeouts cost two teams their games on the same weekend. That's nuts.)

* Patriots WRs and TEs... this one was on you. Get your heads (and hands) out of your asses, please. Thank you.

* I had zero respect for Brian Billick this morning. But tonight, I have five respects for him. (Hopefully this video will survive the night...)



* In conclusion, have a totally off-topic nugget of joy!

The State Of Boston

Things are good!

Red Sox
They signed up their only two potential offseason losses, and did so cheaply. It's a testament to the Red Sox organization that a couple of smart guys like Curt Schilling and Mike Lowell, both of whom had enormous market value, took less to stay. After watching the Dan Duquette era, this is maybe the best part of the revival: that Boston actually is a city where ballplayers will sign for less, and that the previous statement isn't just something the fans tell themselves to justify their cruel treatment of the local losers. Anyway, it's positive news w/o any qualification on it.

I'm still curious what they intend to do with Coco Crisp, and whether they intend to toss their hat into the Johan Santana derby. Theo Epstein is usually active at the winter meetings, so I'd expect one of those two things to become a major hot stove story.

Patriots
They had their C-game last night (especially on defense... wowee!) and still won pretty effortlessly. I found that quite comforting, actually. They popped out a turd and won anyway. Good on them.

More urgent/important is the purported "discovery" by Andy Reid that the team's weakness is its secondary and short coverage by the linebackers. DUH! Once you get past Asante Samuel, it's a hell-hole in there. Even Rodney Harrison has been awfully silent. If there's no pass rush, then of course they will be exposed. While the whole "blueprint" meme is pretty on-target... the notion that Andy Reid "discovered" this strategy is just stupid. Yes, the way to beat the Patriots is to stop their four unstoppable defensive linemen (including the soon-to-be-very-rich-elsewhere Jarvis Green) and not throw towards Samuel. Also, I just discovered that the "blueprint" for preventing typos is to use a spell-checker before hitting Send. COMPLIMENT ME JOHN MADDEN FOR BEING SMART AND FAT

The other troubling thing was to see Randy Moss shut down so effectively. Wes Welker stepped up, but seeing Moss get shut down in the cold brings a lot of late-season Vikings collapses to mind. Something to stow away for later.

Celtics
They are playing like garbage. Really. Paul Pierce in particular is leaning back on his old tricks... take the ball, ram it past double-team, hope they don't strip me. Low-percentage shots. What made me fall back in love with the team was their ball movement, not Pierce's scoring aggregates. When the C's go on their scoring runs, it's because they're finding open shooters; when they drop behind, it's because they get lazy with their shot selection. Between Ray, KG and PP, they WILL move the ball if they choose to. It's that simple.

Anyway, the other message is that America had better not sleep on Rajon Rondo and Kendrick Perkins, because they're both making the most of their newfound job security. This season is shaping up to be Rondo's coming-out party; he makes plays, and he's hitting open 18-footers with the greatest of ease. Perkins has brick fingers on offense, but his always-tight defense is all that will really matter.

In conclusion, last Saturday's fuck-you buzzer-beater was absolutely beautiful, for so many reasons. The bush-league Bobcats talked shit all through the timeout leading up to the inbounds pass. I sat there, watching Jeff MacInnis shoot his mouth off to fucking Kevin Garnett, and thought "they're gonna steal the ball, and they're gonna win." And sure enough, Eddie House stole the ball, and forgotten man Ray Allen sent the Bobcats to bed. What a moment.



Bruins
Amazingly, even the Bruins are growing on me. They aren't going anywhere, but I have to tip my cap to favorite whipping-boys Tim Thomas and Dennis Wideman.

Thomas is a hockey verison of David Eckstein; too short, nobody wanted him, what a competitor, blah blah blah. So I hate him, and I truly detest when his fans give him credit for winning and look the other way when his mediocrity returns to the surface. But this year, Thomas actually is the reason they're winning. He has to save 30-35 shots a night for the team to win (because their blue line situation is so atrocious)... and he's actually doing it. So I give credit. It may not last, but I'll take it while we have it.

Wideman, meanwhile, is already visibly better than he was in October. He's starting to mix net-positive plays in with his trademark bonehead turnovers. More credit given there for starting to get his act together. Still not seeing much value (he's not even remotely physical as a defender) but any improvement is welcome.

The last thing I want to say is: Marc Savard. Can you Bruin bastards PLEASE play up to this guy's level? Or at least hit the empty nets Savard gives you twice a night? This guy's got worth-the-price-of-admission passing skills, and they're lost on offensive doofuses like P.J. Axelsson and Old Man Murray. Pearls before swine.

Revolution
Sorry, boys... I'm pretty much done with you. The "choker" business may be overblown, but that collapse was just awful. And you could see it coming. It really was a choke. Ugh.