NBA Draft strategy - Knicks

The Knicks were in the lottery last night, and have a first round pick. This is unfamiliar territory for me as a fan.* They fell from 5th to 6th as a result of the Chicago Bulls' Bonanza. And while I think Chicago should take Beasley, and Miami should take Rose, I wasn't sure what my Knicks should do. Until I perused ESPN's draft machine.

Not a lot to love on that list.
Kevin Love? Pass.
OJ Mayo? Eh, maybe, but it seems too perfect, no? Plus, there's a 90% chance Starbury would murder him in preseason.
Brook Lopez? I like the guy, but we already have enough gay athletes in NY.
Eric Gordon? Pass. Why? Cause fuck Indiana, that's why.
Hibbert? As w/ Mayo, too perfect. Patrick Ewing ain't walking in that door.

So, what to do? Well, I looked over the rest of the list, and while I do like Brandon Rush, I don't see him as the answer for the Knicks' woes. That answer? JOEY FUCKING DORSEY.

I LOVE Dorsey. I don't care two shits that he's a total fucking headcase, that he has the emotional maturity of a 4 year old, or that he can't really shoot a basketball. Dude mauls people. He's a beast. He's got the most NBA-ready body (read: hulkesque) in the draft. Most importantly, I don't see a slam-dunk no doubter franchise player in this draft available at #6, so why not take a guy who is about 99% certain to at least be a decent piece on a team? Trade down, get another #1 pick next year if at all possible, grab Dorsey.

Oh, and DFA Starbury. Wait, you can't do that in basketball?

Update: I am NOT ready for the Danilo Gallinari experience featuring Eddy Curry.

I'm Not The Least Bit Surprised

YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!

What did I say yesterday? The Celtics are so incompetent, they can't even win a random drawing. I blame the Boston Celtics front office 100% for what happened tonight.

See, I'm a "results" kinda guy. I'm not interested in excuses. Aww, we had injuries. We lost some close games. It's a random drawing over which the Celtics brass could not have exerted any influence. Cry me a river. You know who talks like that? Losers. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. No prom queen = you're a loser. Therefore the folks responsible for the success and failure of the Celtics are therefore responsible for this latest failure.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not crazy. I realize I said some things up there that may not be entirely within the realm of possibility. I may, or may not, have resorted to a bit of hyperbole in order to make my point. But I'm not serious about all that. I'm sane enough to recognize God's wrath when I see it.

Yeah, I said that. All those years of CCD haven't been lost on me. This is Biblical. The owners have been punished for being too proud of their current roster. Doc Rivers has been punished for being a stupid ignorant bastard. Danny Ainge has been punished for not firing Doc, and for trading a rookie of the year for a pistol aficionado. (And let's not forget who won the whole lottery: Portland, the folks on the other end of the Roy/Telfair trade. Don't even try to tell me one thing had nothing to do with the other.)

And, most of all, Celtics fans are being punished for... well, in the Catholic idiom, we're being punished for the success of the Pats and Red Sox. But I have to say, God's choice of punishment is a bit non-standard. He usually makes his point in more traditional ways:



DIAF MFS!!!!! NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!!!!!!!

(No pics on GIS of the Spanish Inquisition, unfortunately. Just illustrations.)

So, now that the inevitable is out of the way, let's see what good can be salvaged from this disaster:

1) Losing on purpose was not rewarded. I can get behind that. In theory.

2) I get to keep hating the NBA without worrying about Oden/Durant excitement. Done and done! (And I mean done.)

3) Doc and Danny are DEFINITELY getting fired now. I'll order the sparkling cider.

4) Maybe, just maybe, landing Durant can save basketball in Seattle. Sidney Crosby saved the Penguins, so maybe Kevin Durant saves the Sonics.

(Man, I really wasted that DIAF picture... should've used it on Clay Bennett. That homophobic money-grubbing scumbag cocksucker. Eat a dick, Clay; don't knock it before you try it. Anyway, if losing Durant meant saving the Sonics, I can't really argue with that. That's fair. Of course, it has to actually happen...)