#51 kickin it corporate

Best guitar ever?

Best guitar ever.

MLB predictions for '09

AL East:
Boston
TB (WC)
NYY (leading to the firing of Girardi and hiring of (gulp) Sweet Lou)
Toronto
Glorioles

Al Central:
Minnesota
KC
Cleveland
Detroit
Chicago Sox

Al West:
Anaheim
Oakland
Texas
Seattle

NL East:
Philly
NYMets (WC)
Florida
Atlanta
Washington

NL Central:
ChiCubs
Cardinals
Cinci
Milwaukee
Pitt
Houston

NL West:
LA
AZ
SFO
Col
San Diego (incl. june fire sale)

WORLD SERIES OF THE WORLD: Boston over Philly, in 6 games, leading to me having a whole new reason to loathe Boston, and multiple homicides along Broad Street.

Top MVP candidates:
AL: Yook, Perdooia, Teix (darkhorse - Mariano)
NL: Utley, Pooholes, Manny (darkhorse - Lincecum)

Springtime for Hitler and Major League Baseball!

"People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." – Rogers Hornsby

The wait is over. Spring Training games have begun. In years past, I’ve used the “Pitchers and catchers report” date as the official start of spring (roughly the day after St. Valentine’s, if you’re wondering). This year, I’ve realized that the last two weeks of February hold only bad news for fans – your ace pitcher shows up fat, your stud closer needs surgery, your captain gets caught with an asshole full of HGH.

This year, I’ve realized that a big part of the joy of baseball lies in perusing box scores. And they ain’t no box scores without no games.

Today, there are games. Which means, there are box scores. Which means, baseball is back. Hell, as I type this, the Pittsburgh Pirates are up 4-0 in the 5th. I predict great things from the Bucs this year! What’s that? They’re playing a team called Manatee Community College? Even better! I predict an early rise, followed by a swift and horrific collapse!

Rejoice in the bizarre and wonderful world of spring training box scores! We got sunshine, green grass, prospects... everything a kid could want.

All Hail Pence

I have a new favorite ballplayer.
Hunter Pence, stud CF for Houston.
Why, you ask?

If you've ever seen the door that leads to my roofdeck, you already know the answer.

A couple important notes:
I was not naked. Likelihood that Pence was naked: 99%.
His door was glass. Mine was screen. Advantage: me.

Bless you, Hunter, for making me look less stupid by comparison.

h/t.

Commodus Steinbrenner

Hank Steinbrenner is back in the news, and he now apparently is spokesman for not only the Yanks, but the Twins as well.

>>>After what he described as a "slow holiday season" for baseball business, Hank Steinbrenner is returning to his office Thursday to begin working on "a final decision" regarding a trade for Johan Santana. And he believes the Yankees have made the top offer for the Minnesota ace.
"I think the Twins realize our offer is the best one," Steinbrenner said Wednesday in a telephone interview. "I feel confident they're not going to trade him before checking with us one last time and I think they think we've already made the best offer."
Steinbrenner said the offer "does not include two of the three young pitchers" - Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy, from a group that also includes untouchable Joba Chamberlain - "but it's still the best one. And let's face it, we're the best able to handle the kind of contract (extension) Santana will be after."<<<

Easy, big guy, maybe you should stop talking for a while. Lesson # fucking 1 in business is that every interaction with the media is an opportunity for messaging. In the words of Ricky Roma, you never open your mouth unless you know what the shot is. The only messages he's sending here are: 1) He pretends to know what is best for the Twins; and 2) He's a fuckwit. If I'm the Twins GM, I deal with the Sox exclusively from now on, just to blow one giant raspberry at this obnoxious, self-centered dbag. And I even LIKED Hank for a while. That day is over. From now on, he's Commodus. Here's your uniform, asshole:

Phixing the Fillies

So.... the Phillies come off their most exciting season in a decade, and proceed to lose their all-star caliber center fielder. They guy they traded Thome for. They rationalize letting him go cause, well, their offense is already awesome, and Howard/Chutley are only getting better.

What they need is PITCHING. A 5-man rotation of King Cole and pray-for-rain, pray-for-rain, pray-for-rain, pray-for-rain really isn't a sustainable strategy.

So, with that in mind, take a look at this vomit-inducing sentence from Jayson Stark:
"Free-agent pitching options the Phillies have looked into: Akinori Otsuka, Byung-Hyun Kim, Roberto Hernandez, Kris Benson, John Parrish, Sidney Ponson and Chad Durbin."

Yikes. That's a perfect storm of garbage right there. I'm only disappointed there's no mention of Ho-Ram and Weaver.

Mitchell Report Release Day Chatroom

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Drunken Sailors, 2007

So... what does everyone think of the Guillen signing?

Here's what I think:

13M a year for this guy seems like utter madness to me, and that's before the Mitchell report weighs in with any future suspensions. Then again, I am on record as blasting the Royals for the Meche signing last year, and that turned out pretty durn well.