NFL Playoff Predictions: Favre You Suck Edition

If I seem at all bitter about yesterday, it's because I am. It probably sucks more as a fan to have your team completely collapse on you, but it's more of an injustice to football that an 11-win team misses out in favor of a completely worthless 8-8 bag of turds. Given what's happened of late in the AFC, with Big Ben's concussion and Tennessee's collapse, I would not have bet against a Matt Cassel team winning three playoff games in a row. Pats/Ravens, Pats/Steelers-without-Big-Ben, Pats/Colts or Pats/Titans... those are all incredibly winnable games. Grrr.

But that's all moot. And besides, it will be fun watching the Chargers lose to the Colts 55-10 at home. So there's a silver lining of schadenfreude to enjoy.

Since the playoffs won't matter much to me, I'll just tell you how they'll turn out. Spoiler alert!!!

NFC

FALCONS over Cardinals
VIKINGS over Eagles

GIANTS over Falcons
VIKINGS over Panthers

GIANTS over Vikings

AFC

COLTS over Chargers
DOLPHINS over Ravens

COLTS over Titans
DOLPHINS over Steelers

COLTS over Dolphins

Super Bowl

COLTS over Giants, capping off the most annoying two weeks in sports media history.

MLB Predictions

Quick predictions on Opening Day.

AL East
Boston
New York (WC)
Toronto
Tampa
Bal’more

AL Central
Cleveland
Detroit
Chicago
Minnesota
KC Masterpiece

AL West
Seattle
LAA
Texas
Oakland

NL East
NY Mets
Philly
Atlanta
Washington
Florida

NL Central
Milwaukee
Chi Cubs
Cinci
Houston
St. Louis
Pitt

NL West
San Diego
AZ (WC)
LA Dodgers
Colorado
SF

PLAYOFFS?!?!?!?!???!?

I'm probably not a good choice for writing up a playoff preview, since you probably can guess how I think it's gonna turn out. If you want a nice, thorough and non-partisan preview, go here. But if you want a biased Masshole opinion, keep reading.

FIRST ROUND

Washington at Seattle. Washington is tough enough, and Seattle is flimsy enough, that this could come up Redskins. Todd Collins, Santana Moss and Clinton Portis are all peaking at the right time. But sentimental favorites and "trendy" picks tend to come up short around this time of year, which does not bode well for the Redskins. Seattle 20, Washington 13.

New York at Tampa Bay. This has bloodbath written all over it. At least the Giants get to see Florida in January. Tampa Bay 31, New York 6.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh hasn't played well in a long, long time. With no running game and injuries aplenty, against a formidable Jaguar run defense... Jacksonville is overrated, but I don't see this one turning out well unless the Steelers open up an early lead on some wacky passing plays. Jacksonville 19, Pittsburgh 14.

Tennessee at San Diego. Loath as I am to pick a Norv Turner team (or textbook loser-QB Philip Rivers) to win a game of checkers, let alone outwit Jeff Fisher and his defense, I don't see Tennessee pulling off a road win against LaDainian Tomlinson. He and his O-line are playing too well, and the Titans' offense isn't playing well enough to keep up with him. I could see the Titans keeping LT2 in check, but I don't think it will happen. San Diego 28, Tennessee 16.

SECOND ROUND

Home teams win. Tampa and San Diego have the best chances to upset, but I still don't see it. We're gonna end up with the conference championships we've longed for since September.

Green Bay 27, Tampa Bay 13
Dallas 20, Seattle 10
Indianapolis 37, San Diego 28
New England 41, Jacksonville 14

CONFERENCE FINALS

Green Bay at Dallas. This is a toughie. The last time they played, Brett Favre had a Brett Farve meltdown, and Dallas hadn't lost its groove. This time, however, I actually like Green Bay. Tony Romo's not exactly playing with confidence, and Wade Phillips is in charge. No way that ends well. I'm not exactly a Favre-head, but I can't see him losing to friggin Wade Phillips. Green Bay 24, Dallas 21.

Indianapolis at New England. Another rematch. This one's gonna be really, REALLY interesting, if only because the Colts seem better suited for outdoor play than the homestanding Patriots. And it's not like the Pats are invincible; the month of December has proven that beyond a shadow. I see the game as a strict 50-50 proposition, where a bounce of the ball will decide the outcome between two equal teams. This one is going to be a goddamn classic... but you can guess how I think it'll turn out. New England 24, Indianapolis 21 (OT)

SUPER BOWL

Green Bay vs. New England. I can't see Green Bay's offense ringing up much of anything against the Pats unless Favre throws exclusively to Ellis "Weakest Link" Hobbs. (If only he could deflect passes with that mouth of his.) I can, however, see Brady leading a drive down the field against the Packers' excellent pass defense. I don't see Favre winning the matchup of gunslingers this time... but it'll be interesting. New England 21, Green Bay 14.