Execution To The Max!

Thank God for FJM.

LOL

At least he can punch a defenseless man in the guts with the best of them!

Speaking of attacking the defenseless, I bet this is how Jonny Gomes plays GTA4.

Time For A Post About Something Besides Massholes

FJM's ongoing series on senile moron Lowell Cohn has been off-the-charts fabulous.

After Dusty Baker left, Sabean hired Felipe Alou, who was too old, a guy the players couldn't stand. And now he has Bruce Bochy, who's shown no aptitude to rebuild a team that desperately needs rebuilding.

Strike strike strike strike strike strike strike. We're playing the "Strikes Against Brian Sabean in an Article Supporting Brian Sabean" Drinking Game, and everyone here has died of alcohol poisoning, had their ghosts rise from the dead and resume playing the game, and then had their ghosts die of alcohol poisoning.

So, what's the West Coast equivalent of a Masshole? Westtard? Pacifuck?

Jeff Brantley is not a clutch announcer

This is so goddamned good, they might as well just retire Fire Joe Morgan.

Home Run Derby

This year's derby was okay. The display was pretty good, it was nice to see Alex Rios make a name for himself, and Pac Bell Park (or whatever) is always nice to look at. So, overall... perfectly acceptable.

What isn't perfectly acceptable is Joe Morgan and Chris Berman broadcasting the same event, ever. Ever ever ever.

I am surely not the first to say that, and I suspect I won't be the last. I just witnessed an excruciating evening of live television.

You'd think I could live without the sound. It's just batting practice, right? Oh no. This is an event that doesn't work with the sound down. You need to hear the roar of the crowd. But to get that roar, you also need to accept the autofellative commentary of Berman and Morgan! Their me-first act doesn't end when the games do... they're always like that!!! Ugh. National ignorance alert level: orange!

And it's both of them at once! A nuclear holocaust of sports television! That's like getting cancer and AIDS in the same day. It's like surviving a plane crash over the ocean, only to get eaten by a shark. It's like having two giraffes rape me at the same time. There we go, that's it: Berman and Morgan are like a double dose of giraffe dick in my mouth.

But otherwise, nice job ESPN! Nice job eating out of an elephant's ASS, that is! PWN3D