More On The Big Fat Cheating Meanies

And here's where I finally rant enough to earn myself an actual Crazy Jeff tag.

Apparently the "sync at halftime" system is precisely what they were doing with the tapes, according to some unlinked but published report. That changes things somewhat... that qualifies as proof of real-time shenanigans. Doesn't make it meaningful, but it's definitely far different than the after-the-fact stuff I hypothesized yesterday.

I'm fine with whatever punishment. The punishment levied isn't my beef with the situation, so whatever they want to do (picks, forfeits, big-ass suspensions, all three) is fine by me. Ideally, I'd prefer that it be appropriate to the actual crime, as opposed to a political maneuver to suck America's ignorant, reactionary cock. But hey, that's the bed they made when they cheated, so come what may.

However, my cooperation depends on America owning up to the following facts:

1. This gained the Pats a slight advantage at best, and did not affect any game outcomes
   
2. Belichick did it because he's psycho, not because it would actually make a difference
3. The only reason people are so pissed is because it's the Patriots

Seriously, America, admit it. Stop pretending it isn't personal. You look ridiculous. They're the team you hated for no reason. Now you have a reason, and you're exploiting it. Don't even think you'd feel the same way if it were the Chargers or the Bears.

In fact, you want proof of how full of shit you sanctimonious motherfuckers are? Two words: Shawne Merriman. QED, fuckos. He cheats, and his punishment is a Pro Bowl trip and a Nike commercial. EVERYONE turns the other way. But as soon as the Patriots cheat, somehow it's the goddamn 9/11 of sports. coughbullshitcough

Sorry, America, but Simmons and Aaron Schatz have it right. They nail the position of both Patriots fans (bummed, shamed) and the actual importance of the issue (not). They are voices of reason in a world gone mad, and I don't care how it looks for me to say so.

You want proof of that? Even King Kaufman thinks the whole thing is stupid. In fact, he objects to it a lot more vehemently than Simmons does! That there's the end of the argument, folks. It's as good as having God come out of the sky, in human form, to kick Skip Bayless in the beanbag.

Yeah, so I cited two Pats homers as part of my defense. Guess what: fuck you. I've been reading nothing but "fuck the Pats" stories all week, and I'm sick of it. Simmons is right, and you're wrong. I'm with Belichick: eat a dick. Suck it, swallow it, choke on it.

Here's why those two guys can be both Pats fans and reasonable. You may not agree with the end result, but Boston fans at least attempt to be well-informed. There are plenty of folks for whom that's not the case at all, but the smart ones strive to claim Boston superiority from as nonpartisan a standpoint as possible.

I have no qualms claiming myself as one of the informed. I know I do enough legwork to back that up. And say what you will, but Simmons and Schatz are nothing if not informed.

I've spent the better part of this week (as you can tell) reading everything I can on the topic of VideoGate, in a half-assed effort to determine whether the Pats were actually in the wrong. My motivation may be to defend and/or rationalize, but the reading I've done nevertheless gives me as good and considered a read on the situation as anyone.

So, tell me why I (or those two) should take any guff of any nature from some schmuck who watched SportsCenter, said "deah, Patriots suck, screw 'em!!!" and called it a day. F that. I put in days of effort towards fairness; what's everyone else doing to get to the bottom of things?

If America doesn't want to hear from Simmons and Schatz, they can put someone forward with half a brain to argue against them. Otherwise, drain this cup.

Anyway... they still didn't cheat. They did everything they've been accused of by the NFL, and should be punished for it all. But it's not cheating. Sorry.

Douche Nowitzki?

Ok, I hate Dirk. I don't like watching him play. I don't think he should be the MVP. I don't like the obnoxious faces he makes. I don't like watching him throw tantrums at his teammates. Despite an irrational dislike of Dallas as a city, I can't think of another reason why I dislike the Mavs.

But I think I'm disliking all the Dirk-hating even more. Check out this post and response on ESPN.com:

Jason (Ohio): Hey Chris it boils down to this. In any sport you have players and you have winners. NBA: Dirk is a player, Jordan was a winner. NFL: Dan Marino was a player, Tom Brady is a winner. A winner has a certain moxy to them, they stay cool under pressure, they want the ball when the game is on the line, and they don't make excuses. Dirk is the complete opposite of a winner. He may be a hall of famer someday, but not a winner.

Chris Sheridan: I'll let that one speak for itself, Jason.

First of all, Jason, you sound like a douche. You're not the guy I want telling me who a winner is. Second, this guy has probably been saying the same thing for years. Except after the Super Bowl, he had to sub in Dan Marino for Peyton Manning. People were saying the same crap about Manning every year, but he wound up winning. Did he do something radically different or alter his basic nature? No. He was a great player who had some bad performances, and whose teams had some bad performances.

What's even worse is that Chris Sheridan agrees with him and is egging these guys on! Earlier in the chat, he agreed that Nowitzki isn't mentally tough enough and mentioned trading Dirk for Jermaine O'Neal straight up. I mean, I know he's self-aggrandizing and obnoxious, but he usually sounds overinformed rather than uninformed.

Even the "winners" have crappy performances (Simmons mentioned a few that surprised me in his last blog). And some players do seem to have a little more of an "it" factor then others (uuuuuuuughJeterbuthecaneatabag). But this is the best player on a 67-win team, a guy who had the best PER in the league two years running. He's made tough shots and had some pretty big playoff performances last year (50 on the Suns, knocking off the Spurs). Now, because of a ref screwjob last spring (although he probably did let that get into his head a bit too) and a lousy series against a team that finally gelling after trades, getting healthy and playing defense, you want to trade him for a guy who's salary is larger this year ($18M v. $15M) and over the next four ( $80M v. $69M), and has 2/3 the PER (18.86 v. 27.70)? Iguodala's PER was 18.18 -- would you trade Nowitzki for Iguodala? Ok, bad example because Iguodala is awesome.

Look, when a guy's whose star attribute is not screwing up can't stop screwing up in a playoff series, it's going to get ugly fast. And I don't feel bad for him: he seems like a jerk, I don't like his ass-face, and people can revel in his crapping all they want. But to say that athletes are almost genetically subdivided into "winners" and "players," especially when you have highly visible, recent evidence to the contrary, is ignorant. And to suggest blowing up a 67-win team by shipping off the most efficient player in the league for a more expensive, lesser player whose own mental toughness has been questioned is Joe Morgan-esque.