MNF - a recap

Michael Vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick

Sorry vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick

Football vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick

Dogs vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick vick

Everyone sucks but Jaworski.

AL East Standings: A Rebuttal

OMG RED SOX NATION FREAKING OUT

LEADZ ONLY FOUR GAMESES!!! IZ SUROUNDED BY GOSTS



TEH BOSTONS ARE SOOOOOO PATHETIC, LOL



HAVE ANOTHER ONE, DEREK

OH HOLD ON IS NOT 2003 NO MORE?



LEAD IS FIVE GAMES NOW?

NO WAIT LEAD IS SIX GAMES NOW?



OK, now that I've had my fun...

Standings fluctuate. You get within four, then you lose a couple and swing back to six. You get up to two, then suddenly it's five again. This has been my life as a Sox fan since 1999; who better than me to know how worried I don't have to be just yet?

I'm not gonna stand here and say the Yankees won't catch up. But I will say that the Sox need to start playing a lot worse than they are before I get worried about anyone else.

All Errors And No Bat Makes Crazy Jeff Something Something

J.D. Drew: you are dead to me.

I have been more than patient with you.  I have not called for your head, figuring that a turnaround similar to that of each of your struggling teammates (Crisp, Lugo, Beckett, Pedroia) was sure to be on its way.

You have rewarded that patience with a full 4 1/2 months of pure, unadulterated, unbroken incompetence.

Now you're flat-out dropping line drives hit right at you.  You caused a run to score, immediately putting a nervous pitcher, making his big-league debut, on the losing side of the score.  Like he needs more pressure, you prick.  Talk about hitting rock bottom.

Hey look, I started a live blog of the game:

1:15: J.D. Drew sucks.
1:17: J.D. Drew sucks.
1:18: J.D. Drew sucks.
1:20: J.D. Drew sucks.
1:21: J.D. Drew sucks.
1:22: Eat a dick, J.D. Drew.
1:23: Burrito time!
1:28: J.D. Drew sucks.

Sir, you are either having the worst year of your life, on both a personal and professional level, or you are just as gutless, spineless and uninterested as everyone else says you are.  Either way, you do not have the luxury of dropping balls hit right at you.  One outfielder with those tendencies is quite enough.

Perhaps you're hurt.  That's possible.  It would certainly explain a lot.  But if so, I honestly don't care.  If this is how you play when you're hurt, I'd just assume you sit your ass on the bench and eat seeds for the rest of the year.  Don't worry, you'll still get your money.

This is your last chance to leave baseball with your good name intact.  If you do not absolutely dominate for the remainder of the season... and I mean some serious Big Papi shit... you will be run out of town.  Contract be damned; they disappeared Renteria, and they can disappear you too.

Hopefully this is the wake-up call you need, the kind of public shaming that causes you to remember that you actually give a fuck about your performance.  Your run-scoring triple to the triangle is a good start.  Now do it again.  And again.  And don't you even think about letting up until I say so.  You have six weeks.

And yes, this is me barking commands at you.  You've lost your right to be a grown man.  You do what I say when I say it.  Don't you know who the fuck I ammmmmmm?  I don't give a fuck.

I'm Crazy Jeff, and I approve this message.

Draft Slotting

There's an interesting discussion of the politics of slot money in the MLB draft over at USS Mariner today. A slightly different take (by the same guy) popped up earlier in the comments of a side piece at Lookout Landing. It's pretty interesting the pseudo-impasse that exists on the issue now, which seems to have everyone basically getting what they want, but at the expense of parity.

For the Mariners, it means we have Brandon Morrow and Horacio Ramirez instead of Andrew Miller and Rafael Soriano, so I think it's safe to say that the arrangement has hurt us. If we could magically today turn Morrow and Ramirez into Miller and Soriano we would improve our playoff chances drastically. And don't even talk to me about next year.

For some teams, towing Selig's line in this isn't much of a problem. Even teams that are hungry for whatever competitive advantages they can get could be benefiting from it indirectly if they aren't among the richest franchises (like Cleveland for example). But for the Mariners, who have no shortage of revenue and enough problems on their hands as it is, loosing a legit shot at the top talent in the draft because they want to help out is foolish. There is some talk that concentrating our financial resources internationally has been better for us (see Hernandez, Felix), and even that signing Miller would have depleted our budget to the point that we couldn't have signed Carlos Triunfel, a difficult tradeoff to be sure. But on its own merits, Miller was clearly worth the money, and the idea of letting New York, Boston, Detroit, and Arizona walk off with the best young talent in the game with no consequences to them whatsoever really irks me.

How much this will continue to bite us is not really clear. We're apparently going slightly over slot to sign Aumont, and I hope we don't have the 5th pick again any time soon, which may mean that top talent may not fall far enough, even with signability concerns, for us to pass on. But I don't feel good about this situation. I'm also not sure how fair I think this system is to the players in question, how much it rewards or punishes certain behaviors. It doesn't sound like there's an easy fix at all, but I have to think this could be done better.

Yup

Not much to say about this. I guess we just have to hope Stern steps in and mandates some kind of solution to keep the Sonics in Seattle. We'll see.

On the plus side, Jeff Weaver pitched a second complete game shutout yesterday, even if it was only against the White Sox. So, that's pretty nice.

But really, the Sonics belong in Seattle. This wouldn't be one of the worst franchise moves we've seen, but it's pretty bad. The Seattle area, however, is still very pissed about all the taxes it paid for Safeco (taxes that we voted down). It is highly unlikely that we will be willing to build a whole new arena that will satisfy owners that are looking for any excuse to move the team. Without some kind of intervention by Stern, I think they'll be gone.

There are rumors about Christine Gregoire getting involved in talks again... who knows? I'm not getting my hopes up. But someone should step in and fix this situation.

Mr. Potato Head

I was going to write a lengthy defense of Barry Bonds, but just didn't get around to it in time. This morning, Sickels wrote up pretty much exactly what I would have said anyway. Bonds is the best, was the best all along, and the fact that he's a dick doesn't detract from his ability in any way. Sure, if grampa wants to turn to grandson in 2070, as they pass his plaque in Cooperstown and apply Ty Cobb rules (junior, lemme tell you about this prick), I have no problem with that. But shut up about the drugs already, until you have something definitive and intelligent to say.

My one criticism of Sickels' piece is that, like every other treatment of Bonds' record, it has begun with the cheating, and moved on to discuss the achievement. I would reverse the two.

Look, I've defended Bonds for years, since way before the whole drugs thing. Yes, he's a dick. He's also the best player to ever put on cleats. Yes, he probably cheated. So did a LOT of people. Since the dawn of sport. Get over it. He's the G.O.A.T.

Boston Power Rankings

Easier than ever...

1. Red Sox
First place in August.  Established as the team to beat in the AL East.  Signs of slowing, but built for playoffs.  Ingenious trade deadline maneuvering, landing former Cy winner w/o sacrificing a single top-notch prospect.  Popular as ever.  Could hardly have been done better.

2. Patriots
Overwhelming Super Bowl favorites before a single snap has been... snapped.  Dominant, flexible defense, despite annual issues at cornerback position.  Offense likely to improve dramatically.  Popular as ever.

3. Celtics
Ray Allen trade awakened the haters; Kevin Garnett trade was what the five fingers said to the haters's face.  Dinner is served, gentlemen.  (Beep-beep! Your bag of dicks is ready... at Dick World!)  Contenders in East for first time since 2002; legitimate contenders for first time since Bird Era.

4. Revolution
First place in East.  Strong in every facet of the game.  Surviving loss of Clint Dempsey.  Model franchise.  Almost nobody cares.

5. BC basketball/football
The first unit on the list with no serious intention to contend.  Yet they're always above sea level in each sport.  Go figure.  Absolutely nobody cares.

6. Cannons
Yeah, Major League Lacrosse.  Sit tight, I'm making a point.

7. Suffolk Downs
Horsies!  Yay! 

8. Park League Baseball
Go Palmer!!!  (wait for it...)

9. Saltonstall Kennelz (Dover, MA)
That's right, bitches... Boston's old money is all up in that ass with some dogfights!  You Chafee-ass Choates and Choate-ass Chafees best wash u asses.  Wanna know what happens to the losers at Raynham Park?  Bill Weld's pit bulls eat them.

(Sigh... out of ideas.  Oh well, fine.)

10. Bruins
All the other big-time teams in Boston have a plan for contention.  Even Doc Rivers' team has a goddamn plan.  Not the Bruins.  The only consistent vision I see is short-term.  They want to sell the farm just to make the playoffs... as if reattaining mediocrity is the answer to dwindling ticket sales and increasingly permanent fan apathy.  I have no particular objection to any of Peter Chiarelli's moves in isolation, given that he clearly knows more than I do.  The trades are all pretty much defensible.  But he's swimming against the tide.  He's neither building a Buffalo/Pittsburgh/Anaheim-style stable of young, cheap talent, nor drawing in a respectable nucleus of veteran stars via free agency.  Those are the only available options for saving the franchise (it's time to start thinking in those terms), but Chiarelli's done nothing on either of those fronts since the Chara/Savard signings.

On top of which nobody gives a rat's ass about hockey anymore.  Boston's a hockey town.  This should NEVER have happened.  And yet here we are.  Thank you, Bruins.

At this point, the only thing that can save their season is if Phil Kessel takes a quantum leap towards superstardom.  Apart from that... why bother?

Hallelujah!

Thank god. See what happens when you do smart things?

OK, it hasn't been all roses this weekend, and Jones hasn't been perfect. But this is a very good thing and it gives me hope, despite the complications. Now I'm ready to commit myself to this playoff chase, that will probably end in heart-wrenching failure.

Cultural Oddsmaker Strikes Again

Daulerio, you sick fuck...

Let's not forget, however, that [Julio] Mateo has denied the charges against him. Kind of:

"That's a lie. They can't prove that. I didn't do anything. They said she had a black eye. What I know is that was not true. The way it was put in the newspaper, it did not happen that way."

See? And to further demonstrate, he punched the female reporter in the face.

Surprise Of The Day

You'll never believe it, but women find Josh McRoberts (a.k.a. this guy) "immature."  GTF outta here!!!  No way!  Next you'll be telling me Marcus Vick's brother likes to make dogs rape each other in his spare time!  And is the sky still blue, or did it switch to tan & taupe when I wasn't looking?  Better go check...

Wizard Pays Agent For Zero Sex

Oh, Andray.

Clearly you need to hear some words of wisdom.  Unfortunately, what you're getting is words of Marion Barry. 

BITCH SET ME UP!!!

Do NOT Step To Bubba Ontario

One of the Deadspin commenters pointed out an old classic: the Ron Mexico Name Generator.  I remember doing this previously (must've been back when ol' Ookie contracted herpes) so it's not new or anything.  But it's timely (again) and still a great way to burn 60-90 seconds.

Fun stuff that resulted:

• My name, using Jeffrey, is Bubba Ontario.  That explains why I wanted the Predators to move to Hamilton so badly!
  
• Great as Bubba Ontario is, I stand in awe of some of the other blog folk:
  
• Alex: Kip Albania
  
• Chas: Jean-Pierre Nova Scotia
  
• Jesse: Danny Papua New Guinea
• When you enter Ron Mexico, the resulting Ron Mexico Name is "Michael Vick."  Doh.  So much for trying to make the Webertubes fold in upon themselves.
  

The more things change...

Guess what? Here's everyone's favorite bit (from the official website):

As the old adage says: If it ain't broke, don't' fix it.

"We know when we need [Jones], he's going to be there, and he's going to be ready," McLaren said. "In the meantime, the mix we've got going now is playing well, and that's how we look at it."

In the meantime, Ibañez, Guillen and Ichiro have held their own in the outfield. Combined, they have a .294 batting average. Ibañez is second on the team with 24 two-out RBIs, Ichiro is third (22) and Guillen is fifth (16).

Their combined average? Their two-out RBIs? Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! How about you look at, say, Ibañez combined average with himself, as opposed to giving him credit for Ichiro's hitting?

Allow me to remind everyone:

Ibañez, July: .184, .241, .262, for a .503 OPS
Ibañez v LHP, 2007: .245, .263, .300, for a .563 OPS
Ibañez v LHP, 2006: .243, .301, .362, for a .663 OPS

There's no indication he could possibly do a good job against lefties for the rest of the year (or ever again), and he's in a complete tailspin overall. Moreover, he might just be the worst defensive left fielder in baseball. Outside of the Pirates, is there another team that would let this continue?

I have to let this go. It has become a daily frustration that is has me in a bad mood way more than it should. But. It. Is. Just. So. Maddening. This team barely has a shot at the playoffs as it is, and its few valuable resources continue to be woefully mismanaged. With Reitsma out and no overvalued veteran available to step into his place, the bullpen issues should sort themselves out just fine. And the team has so far done a pretty good job of getting pretty good value out of a pretty bad rotation. So it's mostly down to the lineup.

And it's really not that hard to fix. There are no adequate replacements for Lopez or Betancourt, so we just have to suffer through their lack of production, same for Johjima if he doesn't break out of his slump. Beltre and Ichiro are on a tear and should be playing every day, and Jones should be playing virtually every day, for his defense if nothing else.

Against LHP

Ibañez and Broussard should both sit. That means Jones, Sexson, Guillén, and Vidro should all have positions. Finding at-bats for Bloomquist at 2B isn't even a bad idea against LHP, because Lopez has been so bad and Bloomquist actually hits lefties ok.

Against RHP

Broussard should start at least 9 out of every 10 games in which we face a RH starter. Sexson doesn't have a particularly strong platoon split, but he is really bad, so that could be at 1B every time, as far as I'm concerned. They used to be comparably bad defensively, but Richie has gotten bad enough that Ben is almost certainly better. Guillén has a sizeable platoon split this year, but he's still hitting righties better than Ibañez lately and had no real split earlier in his career, so I still think he should be starting most of the time. Ibañez can take turns spelling Jones and Guillén in the OF from time to time, but should probably get most of his at-bats at DH. That relegates Sexson and Vidro to the bench, but they can spot start from time to time, since neither of them hit righties significantly worse than lefties.

That's it. That's all it would take to give this team a fighting chance at the playoffs. And if you pulled a softer version of that same plan, you could even probably keep Ibañez and Sexson in the lineup often enough that they would look almost like every day players. If you really wanted, that is. Let Jones spell Ichiro in center every once in a while, and it's even easier. Or if Vidro stays hot, make up an injury to Ibañez or something so he can save a little face, then there are even less things to think about.

This desperately needs to go down. Given how concerned they are about chemistry and keeping the veterans happy and the like, I think the soft platooning is a good idea. Let the announcement be all about how Jones is coming up to give our overworked veterans a few days off, whatever. Let him "spell" one of Ibañez, Guillén, Ichiro, and Vidro (with Ibañez actually being the one at DH) every day. Make up an injury to Ellison or go with a 6 man bullpen to make it happen. But make it happen.