Mr. Roboto Speaks

For those who think the Eastern Conference Finals are boring, unsexy, and hopeless... I respectfully submit Game 5.



Game 6 will be just as good. Getcha popcorn ready.

All hail Bobblefoot!

This is so good.

NBA Draft strategy - Knicks

The Knicks were in the lottery last night, and have a first round pick. This is unfamiliar territory for me as a fan.* They fell from 5th to 6th as a result of the Chicago Bulls' Bonanza. And while I think Chicago should take Beasley, and Miami should take Rose, I wasn't sure what my Knicks should do. Until I perused ESPN's draft machine.

Not a lot to love on that list.
Kevin Love? Pass.
OJ Mayo? Eh, maybe, but it seems too perfect, no? Plus, there's a 90% chance Starbury would murder him in preseason.
Brook Lopez? I like the guy, but we already have enough gay athletes in NY.
Eric Gordon? Pass. Why? Cause fuck Indiana, that's why.
Hibbert? As w/ Mayo, too perfect. Patrick Ewing ain't walking in that door.

So, what to do? Well, I looked over the rest of the list, and while I do like Brandon Rush, I don't see him as the answer for the Knicks' woes. That answer? JOEY FUCKING DORSEY.

I LOVE Dorsey. I don't care two shits that he's a total fucking headcase, that he has the emotional maturity of a 4 year old, or that he can't really shoot a basketball. Dude mauls people. He's a beast. He's got the most NBA-ready body (read: hulkesque) in the draft. Most importantly, I don't see a slam-dunk no doubter franchise player in this draft available at #6, so why not take a guy who is about 99% certain to at least be a decent piece on a team? Trade down, get another #1 pick next year if at all possible, grab Dorsey.

Oh, and DFA Starbury. Wait, you can't do that in basketball?

Update: I am NOT ready for the Danilo Gallinari experience featuring Eddy Curry.

NBA Game-Fixing: It's Cav-tastic!

What an irredeemable shitshow I witnessed tonight.

The kinda-sorta goaltend by my man Delonte West wasn't exactly a prize-winner, nor was the travel call on Garnett (especially considering that they let Joe Smith get away with a travel with 14 seconds left). But the offensive foul on Paul Pierce with a few minutes remaining was one of the worst, most embarrassing calls I have ever seen. Permanent shame on the referee who called that charge. May he go to hell and drown in a flaming pool filled with the devil's boiling diarrhea.

Much as I'd love to be pissed at the Celtics for blowing another winnable road game, how can I be mad at them when Dick Bavetta and his crew of war criminals would have found something else to call? After the atrocious display in San Antonio last night, and that unforgivably bad charge call, I believe NBA referees are capable of calling absolutely anything right now.

To think people wonder why home teams keep winning these games. Gee, could it be that THE REFEREES ARE FUCKING INCOMPETENT?????

Anyway, haven't lost faith in the Celtics. I saw nothing tonight to ease my nerves (besides the return of Eddie House... about damn time), but I have no reason to think they'll lose at home until someone beats them at home. And don't forget, home court means the cowardly referees will be giving the C's all the calls! So that's comforting.

Hank Steinbrenner is a big, fat idiot

This man's stupidity will haunt me for the next two-three decades. Joy!

The solution, of course, is to move Jeet to third and trade ARod for David Eckstein.

Ah, red snapper, very tasty!

Yankees blog pinstripe alley floated some random trade ideas...
including -

"You know who the Mariner's DH is? Jose Vidro's emaciated .194/.248/.296. Hideki Matsui for Cha Seung Baek and Miguel Cairo...

(blah blah blah the japs all wanna play together so Matsui would waive his no-trade clause)...

"I'm after 28 year old Korean swingman Cha Seung Baek. He's got experience starting and relieving, and he's under team control until (I think) 2012, so he's easy to move around (rotation to pen, MLB to AAA) as the young guns develop."

Um, no. Cha Baek, um, how shall I put this.... sucks BALLS. Cairo is fucking clownshoes. Matsui, although kind of a disaster in the field these days, is still a borderline all-star level hitter (.409 OBP nom nom nom). In what universe does this trade make the Yankees remotely better?

Bravo, good sir

I know we were all somewhat worried when the Dugout made the jump to AOL Fanhouse. With no more swearing, about 90% of their humor was now out of bounds.

Since the move, I've continued to read, but haven't been as thrilled by it. I guess I really like dick jokes.

Well, that changed today, when I read about the professor's love of Grand Theft Auto. This is maybe my favorite dugout of all time. I'm in tears from laughing so hard.

Bang the drum slowly

Boom, bitch.